[Flash] Actionable Advice or Flaccid Feedback? You Decide…

As her boss, I knew I had to say something – it was unprofessional.

But I didn’t want to hurt Sally’s feelings or embarrass her. We had just started working together – we were still in the process of building trust remotely.

I was conflicted. Should I ignore this and hope it doesn’t happen again? Should I set a dress code? Should I give her feedback?

None of those options were appealing.

I tried a different approach – I offered Sally advice:

“Unfortunately, our clients are always judging us. If they don’t see you as a professional, they’ll discount your contributions. And you have valuable perspectives and ideas to share!”

Sally responded, “Omigosh! I didn’t even think of that!” Then, together, we brainstormed comfortable and smart clothing ideas that would instantly convey her credibility on video.

Giving advice was refreshing – I became Sally’s supportive and empowering thought partner! And our exchange lacked any inkling of criticism or defensiveness. She knew I was standing on her side, not sitting in judgment.

Now there’s research that backs up this advice-over-feedback approach. 

In 2019, Harvard University researchers conducted experiments asking people to review a letter written by their peers. Half the people were asked to provide “feedback” to their peers while the others were asked to give “advice.”

The results?

• The term feedback prompted “evaluative, vague responses and praising comments.”
• Soliciting advice encouraged “constructive, specific, and actionable guidance for improvement.”

Organizational psychologist and author Adam Grant says the problem with feedback is that it invites either:

1. Cheerleading: motivating but not educational
   or
2. Criticism: educational but discouraging

Because people are afraid of hurting another’s feelings, they tend “to tread too carefully to tell you anything useful,” Grant reflects.

To ensure we are harvesting useful information, we need to ask for and offer actionable advice instead of flaccid feedback.

To ask for it:

• “I’d love your insight on this.”
• “What’s your perspective?”
• “Can I ask for your thoughts on this situation?”
• “Can I get your advice on what I can do better next time?”
• “What are your ideas for improving…?” 
• “What would you recommend?”
• “I’d appreciate your guidance.”

To offer it:

• “One idea that might make a difference…”
• “Have you thought of trying…”
• “It might be worth exploring…”
• “I might recommend…”
• “I have a suggestion for your next meeting…”
• “You might consider…”

While advice is the cornerstone of mentoring, weaving advice into our interactions can elevate the impact of our relationships and pivot our success.

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.