At the root of every upset is a missed expectation.
That gap in our expectations often results from assumptions about a situation, a miscommunication, or a misunderstanding.
Essentially we can trace every disappointment, frustration, or altercation to an Expectation Gap.
- We expect the price to be $100, but there’s a hidden $10 fee.
- We expect the room to be quiet, but someone starts talking loudly on their cellphone.
- We expect people to wait in line, but someone cuts to the front.
- We expect the meeting to end at 3:00, but it drags on until 4:00.
- We expect a peer to help, but they don’t.
We can bridge these Expectation Gaps using a myriad of strategies:
- plan for delays
- document verbal agreements
- clarify expectations
- ask questions for context
- confirm deadlines, time zones, acronyms
- lower expectations
And then I stumbled upon a powerful way to bridge the Expectation Gap when I met Alfredo recently…
Alfredo’s teenaged son is autistic and an avid skateboarder. When he goes to the skate park, he watches in awe as other skaters perform tricks. Eager to learn, he immediately approaches the skaters to ask for advice, often getting too close and in their face.
This creates an Expectation Gap – the skateboarders are not expecting the overzealous new kid to invade their personal space. Armed only with assumptions, their automatic reaction is to recoil.
But before they do, Alfredo’s son immediately explains, “I have autism so if I’m acting inappropriately, please let me know and I’ll back off.”
A powerful strategy: to deal with a potential or inevitable missed expectation, acknowledge it!
By pointing out the gap, we not only reset other people’s expectations, we bring vulnerability and transparency to the situation.
ps. Since Alfredo and his wife empowered their son with this strategy, the skaters have taken him under their wing, teaching him many new skating tricks and protecting him at the park.
