[Flash] 3 Roadblocks to Advice (and the Way Around Them)

Toward the end of the workshop, a participant typed the following question into the Zoom chat box, “How do I overcome my fear around asking for advice?”

(The irony of him asking for advice on how to overcome his fear of asking for advice was not lost on me! I greatly appreciated his understated courage…)

To answer this, let’s first explore why we hesitate to ask for advice:

• Pride
• Fear
• Dispassion

Pride. Asking for advice is essentially admitting that we need help. And our ego works endlessly to convince us that we don’t need anyone’s help.

Fear. We intensely fear (and avoid!) judgment and criticism. And asking for advice risks being judged for appearing unknowledgeable, incompetent, or weak.

Dispassion. Without a compelling pursuit, there’s no reason to seek advice or help from others.

Pride and fear will always eclipse dispassion. But passion can beat pride and fear, especially when peppered with vision and tenacity.

When I worked in Silicon Valley as a start-up attorney, my days were bursting with determined entrepreneurs so hungry for advice it seemed as if they forgot their pride and fear at home. I recall one of my favorite clients Piyush Patel, the founder and CEO of Yago. Always unassuming and appreciative, he would call me regularly to seek my advice or guidance, eager to learn and obtain the information he needed to make his next decision. His dedication to the success of his company muted his ego and overshadowed his fears.

But we don’t need an irreverent, audacious start-up to engage in mentoring conversations and ask for advice. We merely need an unflappable commitment to connect, improve, grow, and learn from the collective experience of others.

When we view advice as a gateway to information, instead of an indictment, we can lean into these conversations with our possibilities, not our pretensions. 

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.