Ann Tardy, Author at MentorLead - Page 38 of 39

All Posts by Ann Tardy

Confused Minds Take No Action

When I first heard this neurolinguistics concept, I started seeing it everywhere…

1. I walked into my obscenely-cluttered office and didn’t know where to start. So I closed the door and walked away.

2. I went to a company’s website, but it was congested with conflicting messages. I was confused and left without a purchase.

3. Bob asked me to refer him business, but I am confused about what he does, so I’ve never referred him.

4. Jane asked me for a job, but I am confused about what she could do for us, so I’ve never hired her.

5. I’ve witnessed some mentoring participants flounder, confused by the process or their goal. Typically they withdraw declaring, “I’m too busy.”

6. I had a team member not start a project because he didn’t understand what I needed.

7. I read an article about research that reveals the foundational cause of procrastination: confusion about where to focus one’s attention and energy.

A confused mind takes no action.

When we are confused about what to do, where to go, or where to focus, we tend not to act.

But action cannot depend on clarity. We gain clarity only through action. And not even the right action – just any action, no matter how granular:

  • Discard one thing.
  • Write one sentence.
  • Ask one question.
  • Make one phone call.
  • Send one email.
  • Do one push-up.

Because the reality is that we cannot be in action and stuck at the same time.

So consider…

  • where are you confused?
  • what granular action can you take immediately?
  • where are you causing confusion for your people or an audience?
  • how can you lift the fog to help people move forward with confidence?

Ultimately the ability to take action in spite of confusion distinguishes the fruitful from the foiled.

Are you a stakeholder in a mentoring program and need to solve the challenge of scaling, sustaining, and measuring success while also making a difference to your organization and your people? 

We get it!

The administrative burdens of managing and growing a mentoring program make the success and impact of it a challenge. Especially when leading a mentoring program is not your only responsibility at work! 

Most manual programs struggle with growth, accountability, and demonstrating success. And the more programs you have, the harder it is to manage, measure, and magnify their impact. 

Mentoring can be instrumental in on-boarding, retention, engagement, leadership development, and succession… but not if it gets mired in administrative challenges around execution, effectiveness, management, and growth. 

We help companies make mentoring matter and then make it magnetic! The MentorLead Platform mitigates the inevitable frustrations and roadblocks from growing and managing programs. 

We take their mentoring aspirations and transform them into mentoring solutions that are strategic, scalable, sustainable and successful. That means mentoring is helping you accomplish your organizational goals (such as on-boarding, retention, engagement, leadership development, and succession), while helping your participants accelerate their own success. 

We’ll bet you have incredible goals for your organization and your people. And we bet you envision a culture that exchanges wisdom (mentoring!) and leverages the power of peers (mentoring!). But scaling and sustaining a mentoring program while also driving those goals and managing your own job is challenging. And when your program is dependent on you and an excel spreadsheet, it’s no wonder it is limited in its impact or flounders in its execution. 

And you likely cringe when your boss asks, “How are you measuring success of the program?” or “How is this helping the organization?” To end the pain, you might distract with a few anecdotes or a survey.  

What you need is a mentoring solution,
not just a mentoring program!

The good news is that you can solve the problem of strategy, scalability, sustainability, and success measures, and drive organizational goals and create a culture shift, all while managing your own job.

Solutions, Not Just Resolutions

It’s the beginning of January – the time we all pledge to a “new you in the new year!”

The top New Year’s Resolutions for 2018 (as compiled by YouGov, a polling firm) include:

  • Eat better
  • Exercise more
  • Spend less money
  • Self-care
  • Read more books
  • Learn a new skill
  • Get a new job
  • Find a new hobby
  • Focus more on appearance
  • Focus on relationship
  • Cut down on cigarettes/alcohol
  • Go on more dates
  • Focus less on appearance

But researchers at University of Scranton suggest that only 8% of people actually stick with their New Year’s Resolutions. yikes…

So, what’s the issue? Too many, too lofty, no accountability? All of it.

Essentially we have resolutions, but not solutions. We have aspirations, but not action. And as a result, we have transactions, but not transformation.

Solutions have the power to shift our aspiration to action.

Solutions require 3 things:

1. Trust: we need to trust ourselves and find others we trust to support us through change (like a coach or a mentor)

2. Goals: we need specific, actionable goals with clear measures of success

3. Structure: we need a structure that will dictate action (even when we don’t feel like it)

What do solutions look like?

  • Shopping for and preparing a week of healthy meals
  • Hiring a trainer or recruiting a fitness partner to meet you at the gym
  • Creating a budget and documenting daily spending for 6 months
  • Joining a yearlong book club
  • Enrolling in a class to learn a new language or other skill
  • Buying a journal to track progress
  • Registering for a formal mentoring program or a coaching circle

We don’t need a calendar change to implement new solutions. We just need more intentional commitments and less perfunctory pledges.

Here’s to a year brimming with solutions!

The Best of Flash 2018 (your 7 favorite articles)

The end of the year offers a delicious pause to reflect upon and celebrate what we’ve each created, discovered, initiated, and achieved over the past 12 months.

As I reflect upon the Flash! articles I created for you in 2018, I’m resending the ones that generated the most conversation:

Teenager Turned a Transaction Into a Transformation
https://www.anntardy.com/this-teenager-turned-a-transaction-into-a-transformation/

Was I Kind Enough? (Reflections After a Colleague’s Death)
https://www.anntardy.com/was-i-kind-enough-reflections-following-a-colleagues-death/

UPS Driver’s Advice Can Inspire Our Own JobLove
https://www.anntardy.com/ups-drivers-advice-can-inspire-our-own-job-love/

Do You Bring your Shoshin? (like CEO of Salesforce)
https://www.anntardy.com/do-you-bring-your-shoshin-like-ceo-of-salesforce/

Do You Lead with Ubuntu?
https://www.anntardy.com/flash-do-you-lead-with-ubuntu/

Don’t Judge One’s Story by the Chapter You Walked In On
https://www.anntardy.com/dont-judge-ones-story-by-the-chapter-you-walked-in-on/

I Carried a Buffalo Trophy Through the Airport and Here’s What I Discovered
https://www.anntardy.com/i-carried-a-buffalo-trophy-through-the-airport-and-heres-what-i-discovered/

Thank you for reading, responding, and engaging with me throughout the year! I look forward to continuing our quest together to become bigger, better, bolder versions of ourselves.

Wishing you a watershed year ahead!

Respond to Holiday Wishes with Good Intent (not Insult or Outrage)

I came across the following flowchart suggesting a refreshing response to various holiday greetings:

When someone wishes you…

  • Merry Christmas… and you are Christian or not Christian
  • Happy Hanukkah… and you are Jewish or not Jewish
  • Happy Kwanza… and you are African-American or not African-American
  • Season’s Greetings… and you are agoraphobic or not agoraphobic
  • Happy Holidays… and you are religious or not religious
  • Happy New Year… and you are good with dates or bad with dates

 

There is only one response: “Thank you! Same to you!”

(Credit: https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/55t0fh/how_to_respond_to_holiday_greetings_as_a_flow/)

The simplicity of this is actually profound: Meet people where they are, not where we are.

Understandably we project onto others an expectation to know us well enough to offer an appropriate holiday wish. But that’s not always practical or possible.

So when it feels like others are pushing their perspectives or beliefs on us, consider that they’re just showing up as they are.

But when we express outrage or insult, we are just making it about us. Being offended when offense was not intended is merely a waste of our time and energy.

Instead of getting caught up in the specific words or the correct expression, let’s just assume good intent behind the holiday well-wishing, and move on.

My friend Britt sent me this quote on her holiday card:

In the end, only three things matter most:

  1. How much did you love?
  2. How fully did you live?
  3. How quickly did you let go?
(often attributed to Buddha, more accurately attributed to Jack Kornfield in his book, Buddha’s Little
Instruction Book, who seemed to evolve it from Danielle Marie’s earlier book, Straight from the Heart)

As the end of 2018 approaches and I assess my success against those three areas, I feel I’ve got the “love much” and “live fully” things down.

It’s the “let it go quickly” thing that I’ll be working on in 2019. And I’m going to start by practicing with holiday greetings!

Merry Holidays and Happy Everything!

Feedback that Feeds (not Criticism that Confronts)

I purchased a power cord on Amazon recently, and the retailer, Hercules Power, sent me an email to check on my experience:

Our goal is for you to be completely satisfied with this transaction. If for any reason this is not the case, we would appreciate it if you would give us a chance to address your concerns before rating us on Amazon.

How refreshing! A request for feedback to feed their success.

Hercules Power knows that “feedback” on Amazon entails a simple 5-star rating (and sometimes a rant!)

They want the opportunity to take action based on my feedback. But they can’t if all they get is a rating.

The Challenge with Feedback
Feedback typically feels like criticism (even when it’s dressed up as “constructive”)… just the word “feedback” triggers our fight-or-flight defenses!

So let’s start giving and seeking Feedback that Feeds.

How? Focus on 3 things:

  1. Goals: anchor feedback to a goal
  2. Actions: point to an action you noticed
  3. Impact: does the action contribute to or contaminate that goal?

Example:

  1. “I know you want to lead the next team.”
  2. “I noticed that you have been working late every night on that project while the rest of the team goes home.”
  3. “Leading a team requires learning how to delegate.”

When we give feedback without referencing someone’s goal, the conversation lacks context – the why we are giving them feedback.

And without context, people usually default to the defensive. So feedback doesn’t have a chance of feeding success.

With Feedback that Feeds, we are anchoring our conversation on what’s important to them (their goal!), which creates instant partnership vs. dreaded confrontation.

Down with constructive criticism! Up with feedback that feeds success!

Are You Pushing Your Limits? (Consider the 40% Rule and the 3x Rule)

My OrangeTheory Fitness coach shouted these words to us in the 7:00am class:

If you don’t push your limits,
your limits never change!

Research suggests that a significant portion of our grit is mental, not physical.

The 40% Rule
Billionaire Jesse Itzler hired Navy SEAL David Goggins to live with him for 31 days and whip him into shape. (Jesse documented the experience in his book Living with a Seal.)

Goggins immediately introduced the 40% Rule: when your mind tells you you’ve reached your limit, you’re actually only 40% done.

Example: Goggins challenged Jesse with pull-ups. Jesse did 8 and collapsed. Goggins gave him a 30-second break and asked for more. Incredulous, Jesse did 6 and declared he was done! Goggins waited 30 seconds. Grudgingly, Jesse found 4 more… They continued until he reached 100.

The 3x Rule
When I started cycling, I learned we can pedal 3x as long as our longest training ride. Soon my 20-mile ride became a 60-mile ride, then my first century, then my first double century (200 miles in one day… a grueling 17-hour experience).

I pushed my limit, and my limit changed!

Our limits sound like this:

  • I’ve never done that before…
  • I don’t have time…
  • I can’t get up that early…
  • I wouldn’t know how…
  • I can’t imagine…

So how do we push our limits?

  1. Notice them
  2. Rethink what’s possible (ask a Mentor for a fresh perspective!)
  3. Take on new experiences – experiment!
  4. Challenge the comfortable
  5. When you think you’re done, take a break and try again

Grit is essential, not just in the gym or on a bike, but in our lives (the gym and bike simply allow us to practice our perseverance).

Bottom line: our remarkable only happens outside of our limits!

Behavior is Contagious (3 Tactics of Hostage Negotiators)

I raced into my doctor’s office yesterday, responding to emails before my appointment. When she entered, she was calm, present, and engaged. Suddenly, I found myself calm, present, and engaged. My frenzy was gone and we hadn’t even started.

Moods create behavior, and behavior is contagious.

Psychologists call this Emotional Contagion.

It works in 3 stages:

  1. Mimicry: We unconsciously and subtly imitate each other’s nonverbal cues, like posture and facial expressions.
  2. Feedback: Those expression (ex: smiling) trigger certain emotions (ex: happiness).
  3. Synchronicity: Our feelings then synchronize with our behaviors.

Example: I scowl. You unconsciously mirror me, so you scowl. That scowl triggers angry feelings. Soon you take on angry behaviors that match your angry feelings.

In fact, negative emotions are more contagious than positive – we react strongly to pain, fear, sadness, and disgust, as these are directly linked to our survival.

Buy why should we care about Emotional Contagion?

Research reveals that emotions don’t just spread from one person to another; they influence group dynamics, especially those involved in a shared effort, like a project.

Even hostage negotiators are trained in Emotional Contagion. They learn to create empathy and trust so perpetrators want to work with them.

Hostage negotiators rely on 3 principle behaviors that we can employ too:

  1. The Late Night FM-DJ Voice: Use a calm, soothing, assertive voice, even as someone is screaming at you.
  2. Self-Control: Control your own emotions. Don’t get triggered by someone’s anger.
  3. Dynamic Inactivity: Silence can de-escalate a situation. Be quiet, do nothing, and allow the other person to have the last word – let them feel in control.

If we want to successfully connect and engage with others, we need to be intentional and responsible for the influence of our moods and behaviors.

Count Blessings Not Burdens… 7 Easy Gratitude Practices

Author A.J. Jacobs captures his commitment to becoming more grateful in his new book A Thousand Thanks.

He created a gratitude adventure by tracing the journey of his morning coffee in order to thank every person who played a role in it. His commitment took him around the globe resulting in new perspectives, friendships, generosity, and happiness.

Jacobs confirmed the research: a conscious focus on blessings generates a heightened well-being… gratitude improves our emotional and physical state!

Ultimately, happiness depends on gratitude. Gratitude does not depend on happiness.

7 Gratitude Practices

1. Gratitude Speak: “Thanks!” has become somewhat routine. Try incorporating “I’m grateful for… [your work on the project, your idea, your help]”

2. Gratitude in Moments: Seek gratitude in moments, even frustrating ones. Example: I’m grateful the traffic is taking so long because it’s allowing me to notice the colorful trees.

3. Gratitude Journal: Studies suggest that making a gratitude list 3x/week might be more impactful than daily journaling, because we tend to become numb to the normal.

4. Gratitude Partners: Share gratitude lists with a partner to strengthen the experience and create accountability.

5. Gratitude through Senses: When you touch your fork, pause and be grateful for the food you’re about to eat; when you see snow, pause and be grateful for the beauty of nature.

6. Gratitude for the Normal: Everything we take for granted could vanish without warning, as evidenced by recent fires, hurricanes, floods, shootings, and car accidents. When we see tragedy in the news, pause and be grateful for the normalities we take for granted.

7. Gratitude Alphabet: A.J. Jacobs falls asleep by naming a gratitude for each letter of the alphabet. (Admittedly, he rarely gets past G before he’s snoring.)

Happy Thanksgiving! I’m grateful for your readership and your encouraging comments, contributions, and connections week after week.