All Posts by Ann Tardy

In 1989 college senior Wendy Kopp wrote her senior thesis proposing a national teaching corps to recruit college grads to teach in underserved schools. To launch Teach for America she needed money. She knew that successful businessman Ross Perot was passionate about public education and could fund her idea.

Wendy wrote Perot 11 letters before he finally called her. She pitched her vision and he gave her $500,000. Today Teach for America has a $300 million budget and 50,000 alumni.

Most people would have concluded Perot was disinterested, and then start to doubt themselves.

But Wendy’s perseverance demonstrates the power of separating ourselves from other people’s actions.

The secret is to ask, “What about this is about me?”

What about Perot’s initial lack of response was about Wendy personally? Nothing. Perhaps he didn’t receive the letters, got busy or distracted, was confused about the value, needed more information, or was stuck under a rock.

We tend to assume there’s something wrong with us rather than assume there’s something wrong with the other person or the situation… or nothing wrong at all!

Consider all the situations where we could instantly apply “What-about-this-is-about me?”

• Lousy customer service
• Aggressive drivers
• Bad bosses
• Ridiculous company policies
• Opposing political or religious views
• Rude, unkind people
• ”No!”

None of that is about us personally. And yet we often act like it’s a personal affront, triggering our defensiveness, frustration, or resignation.

What-about-this-is-about-me? can break the proverbial chains that stop us from operating with excellence and pursuing our passions. 

Wendy Kopp was so determined to launch Teach for America that she deemed everyone’s response as informational, not judgmental.

Once we stop making it (other people’s behavior) about us, we will find interesting experiences, valuable information, and insights.

As Shark Tank investor Barbara Corcoran remembers, she didn’t do well in school. But her mother always celebrated Barbara’s wonderful imagination.

When a teacher once told Barbara she’d always be stupid, her mother said, “Don’t worry about it! With your imagination, you’ll learn to fill in all the blanks!”

Always curious how far she could go in life with that imagination, Barbara launched her real estate firm in 1973 with a $1,000 loan. To generate leads, she created a quarterly report of real estate data trends called The Corcoran Report... because no one else did. She mailed it to The New York Times which published it, affording her instant credibility.

Barbara sold her firm in 2001 for $66 million and became an investor on the television show Shark Tank.

In her words, “It’s not that I was great at real estate. I’m just really great at marketing.” That’s her creativity at work!

Creativity Research
In 1968 systems scientist George Land, Ph.D. conducted a research study to test creativity in 1,600 children at age 5 and again at ages 10 and 15.

He discovered that their creativity plummeted from 98% creative at age 5 to 12% creative at age 15.

His conclusion: non-creative behavior is learned.

Likewise, psychologist Louis Mobley launched the IBM Executive School to ignite innovation in leaders. His approach: creativity is an unlearningprocess, not a learning process.

So how can we unlearn our own non-creative behavior?

• Ask radically different questions
• Question assumptions
• Self-knowledge (become aware of those assumptions!)
• Grant permission to be wrong
• Surround ourselves with creative people
• Play games, solve riddles, tackle puzzles
• Experiment, explore, experience
• Celebrate imagination!

We don’t need to learn to be creative – we already are! We just need to unleash that superpower from years of atrophy.

In 2006 Lady Gaga had dropped out of NYU to pursue music, but then Def Jam Recordings canceled her contract. After crying on her grandmother’s couch, her father gave her one year to figure it out.

Also in 2006, music manager Troy Carter’s star client canceled his contract. Carter’s business suffered, his home was foreclosed, his car was repossessed. He teetered on the brink of bankruptcy.

Right after signing with Interscope Records, Gaga hired Carter to be her manager. They worked nine months developing her music, but Interscope kept giving Gaga’s songs to other artists to perform,relegating her to a songwriter.

Carter and Gaga fought for control of some songs that she would perform, like Just Dance and Poker Face. But radio stations wouldn’t play them.

So they took her songs and performances to global audiences directly via Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter. In Carter’s words, “We super-served underground music communities” on these fairly-new social platforms and in clubs until her music caught fire.

And their perseverance paid off.

• To date Lady Gaga has sold over 27 million albums and 146 million singles. She has won Grammy Awards, Golden Globe Awards, and an Academy Award.
• Since signing Gaga, Tory Carter has managed music stars like John Legend and Meghan Trainor, and launched his own investment company, Atom Factory.

Throughout their journeys, Lady Gaga and Troy Carter faced many opportunities to claim defeat, blaming a myriad of excuses.

Instead they found a way.

We all have excuses:

• Lack of time, money, resources connections
• Battling bad bosses, peers, technology, traffic
• Suffering injustices, trauma, and drama

But at our core, we are not unlike Lady Gaga…

• When we want something, we find a way.
• When we don’t, we find an excuse.

What lies between the excuse and the way is our conviction!

In 1999 I jumped out of an airplane and I quit a great job. Why?

• I was not afraid to go skydiving
• But I was afraid to confront my boss (so I left the company instead)

How could I be fearless and fearful at the same time?

Marketing guru Robert Middleton said it best: Fearlessness is not a place to get to. It’s a place to come from.

• I came from fearlessness when I strapped that parachute on my back.
• I came from fear when needing a difficult conversation with my boss.

Makes sense. Fear is designed to protect us against disappointments and failures that we’ve experienced in the past.

I had never jumped out of an airplane so I didn’t need protection from past disappointments and failures that involved a parachute.

But I had struggled with “difficult conversations” in the past, so from my perspective that seemed scarier that jumping out of an airplane.

Which explains why kids approach many situations fearlessly… They aren’t carrying around decades of disappointments and failures.

So how can we (adults!) come from fearlessness instead of fear?

Purposeful Practice.

• Focus on past triumphs; downgrade past failures
• Talk to Mentors for fresh perspectives and advice on the situation
• Study role models
• Experiment with a pilot, a trial, a test (“Hey boss, I’m piloting a new conversation with you. Let me know what you think!”)
• Find something to want so badly that fear becomes irrelevant

Even Olympic Gold Swimmer Michael Phelps admits he was afraid to put his face in the water when he was seven. But then he came from fearlessness and his journey to greatness sparked.

Insights, learnings, and even good stories emerge when we walk out of our comfort zone and into an adventure. Fear be damned.

Research from Professor Paul Zak at Claremont Graduate University reveals 8 boss behaviors that foster trust:

1. Intentionally building relationships
2. Facilitating whole-person growth
3. Showing vulnerability
4. Sharing information broadly
5. Inducing challenge stress
6. Encouraging autonomy
7. Recognizing excellence
8. Enabling job crafting

And of these, Zak discovered that our lowest trust scores occur in:

1. Recognizing excellence
2. Sharing information

Let’s pause to digest this… as bosses we are better at encouraging autonomy and enabling job crafting than we are at simply recognizing excellence and sharing information with people on our teams.

But when we dig into the reality of our jobs, here’s what’s happening:

• We’re busy so we forget to say “woo-hooo!”
• We’re obsessed about the happiness of our boss and our customers which has us constantly focused on what’s wrong or could go wrong (thereby neglecting to notice what’s going right).
• We filter information to ensure our people have exactly what they need to do their jobs.
• We think we’re bothering our already-busy teams.
• We believe they don’t really care – they just want a paycheck.

But they do care! In fact, Zak’s research shows that high-trust teams are more productive, have more energy, collaborate better, stress less, and stay longer.

So what should we do? Institutionalize recognition and information-sharing:

• Set a weekly calendar appointment to send appreciation emails
• Organize a daily huddle to exchange updates
• Write 1 thank-you card a week
• Create a peer-recognition program
• Solicit and post testimonials about the team from boss/customers/peers
• Add “recognize excellence” and “share information” to 1:1/team agendas
• Dissect quarterly shareholder reports with the team to explain the organization’s direction, goals, strategies, and tactics

Arguably recognizing people and sharing information should be organic leadership skills. But until they are…

We need intentional structures that help us strengthen these valuable, best-boss-ever, trust-building muscles.

My grandmother was a telephone operator for Ma Bell in Chicago.

• She set the record for number of calls answered in one month, raising the required minimum for all operators
• She was once on a break outside on a cold, icy day when she slipped on the sidewalk. To protect the team’s injury-free-days record, she claimed she fell across the street.
• She left to have children and returned as soon as they were all in school.
• She retired after 25 years of service, proudly wearing her AT&T, ruby-studded retirement ring until she died.

Mike Rowe, host of the show Dirty Jobs, recently reflected, “People I’ve met on my journeys didn’t realize their dream. They looked around for an opportunity. They identified the opportunity. They worked at the opportunity. They got good at the opportunity. And then they figured out how to love it.”

Researchers at Stanford affirmed Rowe’s perspective in a recent study, concluding that following our passion is harmful because it presumes that it’s something to be chased. Instead passion should be developed.

How?

• Cultivate interests
• Seek opportunities
• Ask, “How can I improve myself / this task / this role / my team / the organization?”
• Build a toolbox of skills, experiences, resources, connections, mentors, and mentees

I grew up wondering what my passion is… And then I discovered a business law class. I developed my interest: I sought mentoring, I went to law school, I created internships, and I became a corporate attorney. And I loved it!

Passion is not to be chased. Passion ignites from within.

The question is… what are you doing to fan the flames?

Character actor John C. Reilly shared his take on collaborating in an interview in The New York Times Magazine:

We have the opportunity to create a “third thing” whenever we have a problem to solve. In fact, studies show that collaboration generates better ideas. But how do we spark collaboration?

The Need-Your-Perspective Formula:

1. Pick a Problem
2. Identify a Person
3. Request their Perspective

Asking for someone’s perspective is powerful:

• It communicates respect for their experience, expertise, and wisdom.
• It rouses their awareness, interest, and even empathy.
• It’s a low-commitment “yes!”.

But people don’t help everyone who asks, so what else triggers their call to collaborate with us?

• Connection: they share a personal relationship or commonality with us
  (ex: a referral, working for the same company, belonging to the same association, participating in the same mentoring program)
• Belief in their Wisdom: they believe they have skills, expertise, and experience to contribute
• Personal Responsibility: they feel they can make a difference for us

When I asked Krista for her perspective on leadership for my next book, she instantly agreed. Why? We were connected through a mutual friend; she knew her experience offered a fresh outlook; and she knew she could make a difference by sharing it.

So don’t just ask people to get together for coffee. They will likely say they’re too busy.

Instead, ask people for their perspective on an issue, problem, or project you’re wrestling with.

Give them an opportunity to create a “third thing” with you (a solution!) that was not there before. 

It might be truly magical!