All Posts by Ann Tardy

My grandmother was a telephone operator for Ma Bell in Chicago.

• She set the record for number of calls answered in one month, raising the required minimum for all operators
• She was once on a break outside on a cold, icy day when she slipped on the sidewalk. To protect the team’s injury-free-days record, she claimed she fell across the street.
• She left to have children and returned as soon as they were all in school.
• She retired after 25 years of service, proudly wearing her AT&T, ruby-studded retirement ring until she died.

Mike Rowe, host of the show Dirty Jobs, recently reflected, “People I’ve met on my journeys didn’t realize their dream. They looked around for an opportunity. They identified the opportunity. They worked at the opportunity. They got good at the opportunity. And then they figured out how to love it.”

Researchers at Stanford affirmed Rowe’s perspective in a recent study, concluding that following our passion is harmful because it presumes that it’s something to be chased. Instead passion should be developed.

How?

• Cultivate interests
• Seek opportunities
• Ask, “How can I improve myself / this task / this role / my team / the organization?”
• Build a toolbox of skills, experiences, resources, connections, mentors, and mentees

I grew up wondering what my passion is… And then I discovered a business law class. I developed my interest: I sought mentoring, I went to law school, I created internships, and I became a corporate attorney. And I loved it!

Passion is not to be chased. Passion ignites from within.

The question is… what are you doing to fan the flames?

Character actor John C. Reilly shared his take on collaborating in an interview in The New York Times Magazine:

We have the opportunity to create a “third thing” whenever we have a problem to solve. In fact, studies show that collaboration generates better ideas. But how do we spark collaboration?

The Need-Your-Perspective Formula:

1. Pick a Problem
2. Identify a Person
3. Request their Perspective

Asking for someone’s perspective is powerful:

• It communicates respect for their experience, expertise, and wisdom.
• It rouses their awareness, interest, and even empathy.
• It’s a low-commitment “yes!”.

But people don’t help everyone who asks, so what else triggers their call to collaborate with us?

• Connection: they share a personal relationship or commonality with us
  (ex: a referral, working for the same company, belonging to the same association, participating in the same mentoring program)
• Belief in their Wisdom: they believe they have skills, expertise, and experience to contribute
• Personal Responsibility: they feel they can make a difference for us

When I asked Krista for her perspective on leadership for my next book, she instantly agreed. Why? We were connected through a mutual friend; she knew her experience offered a fresh outlook; and she knew she could make a difference by sharing it.

So don’t just ask people to get together for coffee. They will likely say they’re too busy.

Instead, ask people for their perspective on an issue, problem, or project you’re wrestling with.

Give them an opportunity to create a “third thing” with you (a solution!) that was not there before. 

It might be truly magical!

When I first heard this neurolinguistics concept, I started seeing it everywhere…

1. I walked into my obscenely-cluttered office and didn’t know where to start. So I closed the door and walked away.

2. I went to a company’s website, but it was congested with conflicting messages. I was confused and left without a purchase.

3. Bob asked me to refer him business, but I am confused about what he does, so I’ve never referred him.

4. Jane asked me for a job, but I am confused about what she could do for us, so I’ve never hired her.

5. I’ve witnessed some mentoring participants flounder, confused by the process or their goal. Typically they withdraw declaring, “I’m too busy.”

6. I had a team member not start a project because he didn’t understand what I needed.

7. I read an article about research that reveals the foundational cause of procrastination: confusion about where to focus one’s attention and energy.

A confused mind takes no action.

When we are confused about what to do, where to go, or where to focus, we tend not to act.

But action cannot depend on clarity. We gain clarity only through action. And not even the right action – just any action, no matter how granular:

• Discard one thing.
• Write one sentence.
• Ask one question.
• Make one phone call.
• Send one email.
• Do one push-up.

Because the reality is that we cannot be in action and stuck at the same time.

So consider…

• where are you confused?
• what granular action can you take immediately?
• where are you causing confusion for your people or an audience?
• how can you lift the fog to help people move forward with confidence?

Ultimately the ability to take action in spite of confusion distinguishes the fruitful from the foiled.

It’s the beginning of January – the time we all pledge to a “new you in the new year!”

The top New Year’s Resolutions for 2018 (as compiled by YouGov, a polling firm) include:

• Eat better
• Exercise more
• Spend less money
• Self-care
• Read more books
• Learn a new skill
• Get a new job
• Find a new hobby
• Focus more on appearance
• Focus on relationship
• Cut down on cigarettes/alcohol
• Go on more dates
• Focus less on appearance

But researchers at University of Scranton suggest that only 8% of people actually stick with their New Year’s Resolutions. yikes…

So, what’s the issue? Too many, too lofty, no accountability? All of it.

Essentially we have resolutions, but not solutions. We have aspirations, but not action. And as a result, we have transactions, but not transformation.

Solutions have the power to shift our aspiration to action.

Solutions require 3 things:

1. Trust: we need to trust ourselves and find others we trust to support us through change (like a coach or a mentor)

2. Goals: we need specific, actionable goals with clear measures of success

3. Structure: we need a structure that will dictate action (even when we don’t feel like it)

What do solutions look like?

• Shopping for and preparing a week of healthy meals
• Hiring a trainer or recruiting a fitness partner to meet you at the gym
• Creating a budget and documenting daily spending for 6 months
• Joining a yearlong book club
• Enrolling in a class to learn a new language or other skill
• Buying a journal to track progress
• Registering for a formal mentoring program or a coaching circle

We don’t need a calendar change to implement new solutions. We just need more intentional commitments and less perfunctory pledges.

Here’s to a year brimming with solutions!

The end of the year offers a delicious pause to reflect upon and celebrate what we’ve each created, discovered, initiated, and achieved over the past 12 months.

As I reflect upon the Flash! articles I created for you in 2018, I’m resending the ones that generated the most conversation:

Teenager Turned a Transaction Into a Transformation
https://www.anntardy.com/this-teenager-turned-a-transaction-into-a-transformation/

Was I Kind Enough? (Reflections After a Colleague’s Death)
https://www.anntardy.com/was-i-kind-enough-reflections-following-a-colleagues-death/

UPS Driver’s Advice Can Inspire Our Own JobLove
https://www.anntardy.com/ups-drivers-advice-can-inspire-our-own-job-love/

Do You Bring your Shoshin? (like CEO of Salesforce)
https://www.anntardy.com/do-you-bring-your-shoshin-like-ceo-of-salesforce/

Do You Lead with Ubuntu?
https://www.anntardy.com/flash-do-you-lead-with-ubuntu/

Don’t Judge One’s Story by the Chapter You Walked In On
https://www.anntardy.com/dont-judge-ones-story-by-the-chapter-you-walked-in-on/

I Carried a Buffalo Trophy Through the Airport and Here’s What I Discovered
https://www.anntardy.com/i-carried-a-buffalo-trophy-through-the-airport-and-heres-what-i-discovered/

Thank you for reading, responding, and engaging with me throughout the year! I look forward to continuing our quest together to become bigger, better, bolder versions of ourselves.

Wishing you a watershed year ahead!

I came across the following flowchart suggesting a refreshing response to various holiday greetings:

When someone wishes you…

• Merry Christmas… and you are Christian or not Christian
• Happy Hanukkah… and you are Jewish or not Jewish
• Happy Kwanza… and you are African-American or not African-American
• Season’s Greetings… and you are agoraphobic or not agoraphobic
• Happy Holidays… and you are religious or not religious
• Happy New Year… and you are good with dates or bad with dates

There is only one response: “Thank you! Same to you!”

(Credit: https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/55t0fh/how_to_respond_to_holiday_greetings_as_a_flow/)

The simplicity of this is actually profound: Meet people where they are, not where we are.

Understandably we project onto others an expectation to know us well enough to offer an appropriate holiday wish. But that’s not always practical or possible.

So when it feels like others are pushing their perspectives or beliefs on us, consider that they’re just showing up as they are.

But when we express outrage or insult, we are just making it about us. Being offended when offense was not intended is merely a waste of our time and energy.

Instead of getting caught up in the specific words or the correct expression, let’s just assume good intent behind the holiday well-wishing, and move on.

My friend Britt sent me this quote on her holiday card:

In the end, only three things matter most:

1. How much did you love?
2. How fully did you live?
3. How quickly did you let go?

As the end of 2018 approaches and I assess my success against those three areas, I feel I’ve got the “love much” and “live fully” things down.

It’s the “let it go quickly” thing that I’ll be working on in 2019. And I’m going to start by practicing with holiday greetings!

Merry Holidays and Happy Everything!

I purchased a power cord on Amazon recently, and the retailer, Hercules Power, sent me an email to check on my experience:

1. Goals: anchor feedback to a goal
2. Actions: point to an action you noticed
3. Impact: does the action contribute to or contaminate that goal?

Example:

1. “I know you want to lead the next team.”
2. “I noticed that you have been working late every night on that project while the rest of the team goes home.”
3. “Leading a team requires learning how to delegate.”

When we give feedback without referencing someone’s goal, the conversation lacks context – the why we are giving them feedback.

And without context, people usually default to the defensive. So feedback doesn’t have a chance of feeding success.

With Feedback that Feeds, we are anchoring our conversation on what’s important to them (their goal!), which creates instant partnership vs. dreaded confrontation.

Down with constructive criticism! Up with feedback that feeds success!

My OrangeTheory Fitness coach shouted these words to us in the 7:00am class:

Research suggests that a significant portion of our grit is mental, not physical.

The 40% Rule
Billionaire Jesse Itzler hired Navy SEAL David Goggins to live with him for 31 days and whip him into shape. (Jesse documented the experience in his book Living with a Seal.)

Goggins immediately introduced the 40% Rule: when your mind tells you you’ve reached your limit, you’re actually only 40% done.

Example: Goggins challenged Jesse with pull-ups. Jesse did 8 and collapsed. Goggins gave him a 30-second break and asked for more. Incredulous, Jesse did 6 and declared he was done! Goggins waited 30 seconds. Grudgingly, Jesse found 4 more… They continued until he reached 100.

The 3x Rule
When I started cycling, I learned we can pedal 3x as long as our longest training ride. Soon my 20-mile ride became a 60-mile ride, then my first century, then my first double century (200 miles in one day… a grueling 17-hour experience).

I pushed my limit, and my limit changed!

Our limits sound like this:

• I’ve never done that before…
• I don’t have time…
• I can’t get up that early…
• I wouldn’t know how…
• I can’t imagine…

So how do we push our limits?

1. Notice them
2. Rethink what’s possible (ask a Mentor for a fresh perspective!)
3. Take on new experiences – experiment!
4. Challenge the comfortable
5. When you think you’re done, take a break and try again

Grit is essential, not just in the gym or on a bike, but in our lives (the gym and bike simply allow us to practice our perseverance).

Bottom line: our remarkable only happens outside of our limits!