Ann Tardy, Author at MentorLead

[Flash] Snowflakes Never Feel Responsible for Avalanches

“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.”
~ credited to philosopher Voltaire and Polish poet Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

Every election, I feel like a snowflake. I am not responsible for the choices on the ballot. My vote doesn’t feel like it impacts the election. And I practically forget about the candidates until the next election.

I vote anyway. I cajole myself into the voting booth with mental reminders that voting is a privilege.

Inevitably when some candidate loses by 100,000 votes, it affirms my feelings of insignificance in the voting process.

Until last year. Three people ran for my neighborhood’s alderman seat on the City Council. I was in the voting booth, about to vote for Candidate #1, who had an excellent reputation in town, but I changed my mind. Why? Because I remembered meeting Candidate #2. I liked her, and I promised her that she had my vote.

The result? Candidate #3 won. Candidate #2 lost by a lot. And Candidate #1? The one I had intended to vote for? He lost by one vote. My vote! Yikes. No longer a snowflake, I felt like a snowplow!

Whether it’s voting, watching the news, reading about climate issues, or working at large organizations, it’s easy to feel insignificant. And when we do, we look for absolution, quickly arguing “not my responsibility” or “not my problem” or “what difference does it make?”

But what if “feeling responsible” is not about accepting blame but about owning our power to influence? What if it’s steeped in a fervent belief that we can impact the greater good with our actions or inactions?

Think about all the seemingly insignificant actions we take regularly that ultimately influence others, sometimes significantly:

We smile and wave
We compliment
We donate food and clothes
We volunteer
We tip generously
We write reviews on Amazon
We wish others a happy birthday
We send cards
We mentor, teach, coach, guide, advise, and cheer
We stand up for others

Not because we have to but because we want to. Because we know our contributions will make a difference in some way.

Now, what if we leaned into our ability to affect situations for the better? What impact – big or small – could we make at work and in the world?

Snowflakes don’t believe in their power to influence. But snowmen (and snowwomen!) always do.

[Flash] 13 Reasons to Mentor

Many of our fearless leaders are preparing to launch their mentoring programs in January, so they have already started to recruit participants.

But they are a bit anxious about getting enough Mentors signed up to meet the demand. Their concern? People are “too busy” and “burned out.”

Ironically, that is often why people do mentor!

If you are invited to participate in a formal mentoring program or informally by an individual, consider the 13 reasons to mentor:

1. You want to be a leader.
Leaders share their wisdom to help others grow. Don’t wait for a leadership title! Be a mentor and start leading immediately.

2. You want to strengthen your leadership skills.
Mentoring offers a safe space to practice essential leadership skills such as encouraging new ways of thinking, developing a strategic direction, offering feedback and guidance, influencing growth and accountability, and recognizing excellence.

3. You miss feeling connected in this disconnected time.
This work-from-home-or-behind-a-mask environment demands the intentionality and structure of mentoring to stay connected to and engaged with colleagues.

4. You are eager to learn and grow.
Through the experience of mentoring others, you expand your own perspective, challenge your own assumptions, spark your own confidence, rethink your own goals, and improve your own problem-solving.

I thanked a very busy nurse today for mentoring two new nurses, and she responded immediately, “It’s a blessing both ways! I’m learning so much!”

5. You want to resurrect and reinforce your insights and learnings.
As management guru Peter Drucker said, “No one learns as much about a subject as one who is forced to teach it.” By articulating your own wisdom for a Mentee, you will fortify it for yourself.

6. You feel a need to rekindle your passion for your profession.
A nurse Mentor reflected recently, “Being a mentor renewed my love of nursing! Reminded me why I chose this career!”

7. You were inspired by someone else’s generosity toward you.
You feel altruistically compelled to pay it forward because someone mentored you.

8. … or you wish someone had mentored you.
You have the opportunity to make the experience a bit better for the next person.

9. You want to help your team/department/organization.
Whether the mentoring program is focused on onboarding new people, retaining good people, or preparing eager people to transition, your participation has a strategic impact.

10. You crave a little more joy on the job.
A new connection and some fresh conversations can break the monotony of meetings and give you something fun to anticipate.

11. You like giving advice.
…and you want to give it to someone hungry to get it and ready to take action on it!

12. You are committed to leading by example.
Dr. Laurie Ecoff, VP of Nursing Excellence at Sharp Healthcare, Adjunct Professor at UCSD, and President of ACNL (Association of California Nurse Leaders), is always the first to sign up to mentor and the first to attend every mentoring program event. When I inquired why someone as stretched as she makes time to participate, she said she sets an example through her actions.

13. You want to make a difference.
With mentoring, you will always make a difference for someone else.

“I’m not a teacher, but an awakener.” ~ Robert Frost, poet

[Flash] Air Traffic Control Doesn’t Give Feedback

For flights up to 10 hours’ duration, the FAA tolerates errors of no more than two nautical miles per hour of circular error on 95 percent of a plane’s flights.

In other words, a pilot must keep the airplane within one nautical mile on each side of the intended flight path for 95 percent of the flight time… at 35,000 feet without the guidance of lanes and road signs.

To stay within FAA regulations, pilots must constantly engage with Air Traffic Control Specialists (ATCSs).

But ATCSs are not providing pilots with feedback – they aren’t offering their reaction or response to a pilot’s process or activity. If they did, it might sound like, “Hi Pilot. I’m happy about how you navigated that weather pattern. But I’m worried that you’re veering a bit off track.”

ACTSs don’t give feedback. They give information.

They provide the requisite input pilots need to stay the course and reach their destination.

Managers and Mentors are like Air Traffic Control Specialists. And like pilots, people don’t need feedback from their Manager or Mentor – they need a flow of information to ensure they don’t miss their destination… their goals!

People crave specific, immediate, in-the-situation information. Certainly, people depend on information in the same way pilots do; without it, they are unsure if they are on course or not.

And in practice, if Managers and Mentors contribute information regularly, people won’t fear receiving it, and Managers and Mentors won’t fear delivering it.

The strategy? An intentional focus on giving and getting actionable information. For example:

Managers and Mentors: “I have some information that will help you achieve your performance/learning goal.”
Employees and Mentees: “I’m headed in this new direction. What information can you offer to help me get there?”

By serving like ACTSs, we can provide the information people require, thereby replacing fear of feedback with the impetus for information.

[Flash] Micro-Mentoring with Newspaper Clippings

My dad was never one to sit down and give advice. We never had father-daughter talks. Perhaps he didn’t feel confident or competent doing so. This month marks 18 years since he passed away, so I can’t ask him…

But my dad was a prolific micro-mentor.

Micro-mentoring: sharing wisdom in atomically small moments.

My dad read four different newspapers each day, intentionally seeking a variety of perspectives. Always in print. Never online.

Invariably while reading these papers, he would find an article that he thought would contribute to my current adventure. When I enrolled in law school, he noticed articles on law firms. When I moved to San Francisco, he looked for articles about the golden state. When I started my own business, he found articles on entrepreneurship.

He would clip the article, write at the top, “Ann – FYI. Dad,” and then mail it to me. Typically, I’d receive a newspaper clipping once a week.

Every time my dad sent an article, he thought of me, encouraged my journey, shared a fresh idea or perspective, and sent me a resource.

Unfortunately, perhaps due to maturity, I didn’t always recognize or appreciate it. But he was undeterred, as all great mentors are.

Today, I realize the value of micro-mentoring and often emulate his practice.

To start micro-mentoring:

Identify someone you want to contribute to, like a peer, employee, or mentee.
Reflect on their current situation, transition, or passion project.
Look for wisdom to share in the form of books, articles, videos, social media posts, connections, or even cartoons or memes.
Use the shared piece as a springboard for a conversation or exploration.

Interestingly when my mom started dating again, she met (and married) Allan, also versed in micro-mentoring. Today, Allan regularly sends me links to articles (but in this decade, I receive them via text).

And now I can recognize the effort, appreciate the contribution, and deliberately leverage the nuggets of wisdom.

[Flash] Tell Me About…

“How was school today?” I would ask my stepkids whenever they visited. I was eager to engage and deepen our friendship.

Invariably, they would respond, “Fine.” “Good.” “OK.”

Feeling very clever, I’d be ready with my retort, “Why was it fine/good/OK?”

Of course, they would try to derail me with, “I don’t know.”

Undeterred, I’d prolong this maddening, ineffective interrogation with, “If you did know, what would you say?”

They would stare at me dumbfounded. So, I’d try a different angle, “What was something funny that happened at school today?”

Inevitably, I would get, “Nothing.”

This awkward dance went round and round. And yet, I rarely learned anything new, and none of us felt connected in the exchange.

Now that my stepkids are adulting, I have new targets: my nephew Joaquin and my niece Lulu, 14 and 12, respectively. Like with my stepkids, I deliberately develop my relationship with Joaquin and Lulu.

The three of us went out to dinner last week, and I experimented with a different approach.

I said to Joaquin, “Tell me about homecoming.”
He regaled me with all the details.

I said to Lulu, “Tell me about your swim meet.”
She shared her triumphant adventures in the pool.

I said to Joaquin, “Tell me about high school.”
He gushed, “Aunt Ann! It’s so interesting! In grade school, they treated us like dogs. In middle school, they treated us like children. In high school, they treat us like adults. There are so many choices every day – classes, activities, clothing, food! There’s even a coffee shop!”

Had I simply asked, “How is school?” I probably would not have been rewarded with his reflection.

So now, I’ve been testing this approach with others.

“Tell me about your day,” I say to my husband as we cook. And I learn what’s weighing on him.
“Tell me about your vacation,” I said to a friend. And she excitedly explained her itinerary.
“Tell me about your weekend,” I said to another friend. And I learned about her experiences visiting colleges with her son.

“How are you?” “How’s your day?” “How’s it going?” are polite, transitory greetings. They don’t even necessitate a reply.

Whereas “Tell me about…” conveys sincere curiosity and a commitment to engage. It invites intentional, colorful conversation to which the other person often reveals what is most important to them. But it also demands a genuine interest in whatever is shared.

Even in casual conversations, people crave significance.

“How’s it going?” doesn’t demonstrate importance. But “Tell me about…” communicates to the other person that they matter.

[Flash] Finding Wisdom in 11 Answers

When author Tim Ferris turned 40, he was seeking answers for his life. So, he drafted 11 questions and sent them to 100 people asking for their wisdom. He then published their answers in a book entitled Tribe of Mentors.

Driven by my commitment to mentor (and my birthday), I decided to explore these questions.

(1) What are the books you’ve given most as a gift, or what books have greatly influenced your life?

The Magic of Thinking Big by David J Schwartz
The Alchemist by Paul Coelho
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
Caste by Isabel Wilkerson
Think Again by Adam Grant
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

(2) What purchase of $100 or less has most positively impacted your life in the last six months?

My bicycle bell by Pro Bike Tool . After three decades of pedaling, I’ve finally stopped shouting “On your left!” to walkers on the bike path. Now I ring the bell, wave, and say, “Good morning!”

(3) How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success? Do you have a “favorite failure” of yours?

I launched a woman’s conference in 2004 entitled “Women’s Economic Power Day.” I expanded it in 2005, 2006, and 2007 to eight cities across the country. I proceeded with passion but without any plan. As a result, it was not sustainable, nor did I make any money. But I became an entrepreneur and a keynote speaker in the process. And I met some amazing women, many of whom I still count as friends today!

(4) If you could have a gigantic billboard anywhere with anything on it – metaphorically speaking, getting a message out to millions or billions – what would it say?

You are never stuck.

(5) What is one of the best or most worthwhile investments you’ve ever made?

The partnership with my husband. He gives me the space and grace to approach life as an adventure.

(6) What is an unusual habit or an absurd thing that you love?

Moving turtles off the road and freeing spiders from my house (and inevitably talking to them as I relocate these creatures).

(7) In the last five years, what new belief, behavior, or habit has most improved your life?

Every morning while walking my dogs, I listen to books on Audible. I’ve experienced profound and compelling books that I used to feel guilty about not reading.

(8) What advice would you give to a smart, driven college student about to enter the “real world”?

No one will ever be as obsessed with your success as you are. So, don’t wait for permission to take chances. Constantly improve yourself and your environment. Stop trying to impress everyone else. Just impress yourself. And seek to be of service – use your work to make a difference.

(9) What are bad recommendations you hear in your profession or area of expertise?

I cringe when I hear, “We should wait. People are too busy…” No, they’re not. They might be too distracted, derailed, or disorganized, but people are never too busy for what is important to them! It’s not time we need more of… it’s meaning.

(10) In the last five years, what have you become better at saying no to (distractions, invitations, etc.)? What new realizations and/or approaches helped?

Big parties or dinners. I realize how much I enjoy connecting in tiny groups replete with soul-filling conversations rather than constantly practicing my how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people skills in large gatherings. And frankly, I’m exhausted trying to make everyone happy.

(11) When you feel overwhelmed or unfocused or have lost your focus temporarily, what do you do?

I ask, “Why am I doing this? What’s the point? And will it matter next week, next month, or next year?” And I usually ask these questions while biking or walking my dogs.

This Reflection.
When I started this exercise, I intended to simply share some wisdom on my birthday.

But then I found myself pausing to reflect on and deeply appreciate my journey. And by articulating my insights, I substantially reinforced my learnings and even bolstered my confidence.

Sharing wisdom is its own development experience and ultimately an integral part of every Mentor’s growth journey (despite our fervent focus on the Mentees’ growth!).

[Flash] The Hang – One Thing We Can Control

I heard an interview recently with actors Martin Short and Steve Martin.

Reflecting on their solid friendship, Martin Short said, “The only thing you can control in a work situation is ‘the hang.'”

Steve Martin added, “There are three things to a movie: was it a hit? was it any good? and did we have fun doing it? And when those things land together, it’s great. But they don’t always – we cannot control if it bombs or the critics hate it. We can only control how much fun we had.”

The “hang” is important! Research shows that we bond over laughter and increase our trust through consistent engagement.

And in this unpredictable, confusing environment, it’s even more essential!

Today I witnessed the participants in the Metropolitan Water District of Southern California (MWD) 2021 Mentoring Program enthusiastically and effortlessly creating “the hang” over Zoom in the program’s final celebration event.

Before last year, the MWD mentoring team had been delivering their program in person for seven years. Virtual was irrelevant until it became a necessity.

When the pandemic hit, the mentoring team recommitted to and reinvented their program. Why?

Because employees were working from home for the first time and feeling disconnected
Because the class of “pandemic hires” were at risk of disengagement – most had never been to the office nor met their boss or peers in person.
Because acute loneliness is real
Because the team could help people connect, bond, and have fun together remotely

Lue and I had the pleasure of partnering with this intrepid team (@Suresh @Barbara @Jean @Zary) to facilitate “the virtual hang” by delivering a variety of monthly events for program participants throughout the year:

Kickoff and training of mentors and mentees
Networking events to socialize with other program participants
Speed mentoring to interface with MWD leadership
Photo contest of mentoring pairs
Webinars, workshops, and guest speakers
Mid-point reflection
Final celebration

As evidenced by their participation, the mentors and mentees were eager to invest in their connections and development – they fearlessly plunged into the opportunity! And despite being busy, they showed up, engaged, exchanged ideas, related, learned, and laughed.

If having fun is the only thing you can control, what are you doing to revitalize your interactions and reinvent your activities to bring joy back to your job?

[Flash] Inadvertent Mentoring (How to Be a Better Boss)

Recently I discovered a conflict on my calendar – I had two client meetings scheduled simultaneously.

I asked Lue, our Director of Operations, to cover one of those meetings for me – a strategic session with the mentoring program team at a hospital.

When we connected afterward for a debrief, Lue expressed joy from her great meeting!

The team requested some changes to their mentoring program, and Lue earnestly said, “Yes! We can do that!” And then, she implemented the changes in the meeting for the team to see.

I heard the pride in Lue’s voice as she shared her experience – she had delighted this client!

But my knee-jerk reaction killed that joy. I blurted, “Oh no! Jane [the program lead’s boss] will not like that we made changes for one hospital but not all of them!”

Lue was apologetic but also defensive. She thought she had served the client well.

And then it hit me… Lue led that meeting exactly as I would have.

She has seen me lead client meetings a thousand times. I constantly say, “Yes! We can do that!” I enjoy making changes for a team to see while we’re meeting. And I’m always excited to surprise and delight our clients.

Lue didn’t just handle the meeting by herself. She filled my shoes!

But I’m not surprised. She has been observing me in action for two years. As a result, I have been inadvertently mentoring her.

Had I paused to recognize this before I asked Lue to handle the meeting for me, I could have intentionally mentored her. I could have provided her the context she needed and prepared her with a strategy.

So, I owed Lue an apology. I managed, but I forgot to mentor.

When we’re distracted managing expectations, we forget our teams learn by observing and modeling us. If we are committed to being better bosses, we must acknowledge this inadvertent mentoring and strengthen it with intentional mentoring.

Lue figured out how to fill my shoes by watching me, but next time I’m committed to providing her with the shoelaces.

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