Ann Tardy, Author at MentorLead

[Flash] Great Resignation or Great Realignment?

Last year, 25% of the workforce quit. Historically unprecedented, it has been dubbed The Great Resignation (and even has its own Wikipedia page!).Desperate to decrease attrition, HR departments in organizations everywhere have been throwing money and perks at people.

In an attempt to better understand the Great Resignation, author Marcus Buckingham and the ADP Research Institute interviewed 50,000 people in working populations around the world. They set out to determine what actually predicts retention, performance, and engagement.

Their conclusion? It has less to do with pay, colleagues, location, or even a belief in the mission and more to do with people’s love for the content of the work itself.

According to their research, people consider:

Was I excited to work every day last week?
Did I have a chance to use my strengths every day?
Do I get a chance to do what I’m good at and something I love at work?

Accordingly, Buckingham argues that leaders must intentionally and intelligently strive to connect people’s activities with their strengths and what they love to do. Only then can they achieve higher engagement and lower turnover.

He recommends that leaders remember:

People are the point: People are the most critical stakeholders in the organization, above customers and shareholders.
One size fits one: Everyone is distinct in what enthuses them about work.
In trust we grow: Trust must be the foundation of all practices and policies.

While I appreciate the research and guidance directed at leaders, the conversation feels rather one-sided. It would be negligent if we didn’t also acknowledge that leaders cannot be solely responsible for ensuring that people enjoy their jobs.

We must consider: What role do people play in their quest for excitement, strengths-based assignments, and joy on the job?

Arguably leaders cannot help people realign unless people remember:

Customers are the reason: We have jobs because we have customers.
Leaders are not mind-readers: They need us to share our strengths, what we enjoy about our work, and where we feel confident and competent.
Trust takes two: We need to be trustworthy, and we need to trust back.

While leaders must endeavor to lead differently, people must endeavor to follow differently… not by resigning but by reflecting and realigning.

[Flash] More Insights. Less Information.

I received a chain email recently from a friend with a list of facts about herself: favorite color, food, season, movie, place to vacation, quote, and book. She then asked everyone who received the email to copy the questions and send it back with our own list of facts.

While it was interesting to learn more about this person, notice our commonalities, and store the book recommendation, it’s just data.

To truly get to know someone and their journey, I need context and insight.

I’m drowning in information, but I’m parched for wisdom.

When I read my friend’s get-to-know-me email, I found myself more curious about why those items were her favorites and what she had discovered, learned, perceived, or experienced in creating her list.

But pausing to identify insights takes time and intentionality. It’s easy to list a bunch of facts about ourselves in an email template. Conversely, it’s challenging to parse through the data, think critically about our experiences, and articulate our learnings.

I’m surmising this is why I gravitate to memoirs on Audible.

I love the hero’s journey, the overcoming of obstacles that evolves us as human beings. And I appreciate people who persevere, reflect, and then mentor us with their perspectives, especially famous people.

My favorite struggle-behind-the-success memoir authors include Michelle Obama, Katie Couric, Viola Davis, Marc Randolph (co-founder of Netflix), Dave Grohl (drummer of Nirvana), and Stephen King.

Memoirs demand that the authors think critically about their adventures and offer us their wisdom, not merely a catalog of their circumstances.

Actor Matthew McConaughey amplified this notion in my other favorite memoir, Greenlights.

McConaughey ended each chapter with a “Note to Self!” section in which he identified his insight from that period of his life. It was a playful pause to reflect and articulate his learning.

In addition, it was like ear candy listening to McConaughey narrate his book. When he reached each “Note to Self!,” he deployed his infamous drawl coupled with his whimsical nature to emphasize each lesson theatrically. As if he couldn’t decide if he was mentoring us or reminding himself.

More insights. Less information.

[Flash] Do the Hokey Pokey in Mentoring and Life

When I was a teenager, my friends and I spent time at the roller rink in town, and we looked forward to the Hokey Pokey! The lyrics (as we learned them):

Right arm! You put your right arm in. You put your right arm out. You put your right arm in, and you shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey, and you turn yourself around. That’s what it’s all about!

The song then repeats, calling on other body parts (ex: left leg, right foot, left side, backside) and ending with the whole self!

Remembering this participation dance, I’ve noticed a similarity to how people participate in mentoring. There are:

1. Observers
2. Right Arms
3. Whole Selves

Observers
Observers sit on the side, watching everyone else have fun.

They don’t participate in mentoring because they are too busy or don’t feel like they need it.

Right Arms
Right Arms participate in mentoring but in a limited way.

Right Arms attend the virtual kickoff but never turn on their cameras or participate in the chat. They have a mentoring partner, but they only sporadically meet because they’ve made little effort to get to know them personally. And they lack a compelling goal, so there’s no sense of urgency to connect. By the end of the program, they often regret missing the opportunity, especially when they hear about the Whole Selves’ great relationships and transformative successes.

Whole Selves
Whole Selves jump into the mentoring experience.

They make contact immediately with their Mentor or Mentee. They show up with gripping goals and unbridled enthusiasm for the possibility of the partnership! They quickly look for ways to build trust, engage, and contribute. They take notes, send calendar invites, share resources, and make introductions. And they never leave one conversation without arranging the next one. Inevitably through the process, the Mentee and Mentor grow.

The Right Arm Predicament
Right Arms are in a quandary. Unlike Observers, they do show up, but unlike Whole Selves, they aren’t leaning into the program or the relationship as they had committed to. So they feel obliged to justify their inaction. Eventually, they rattle off a litany of excuses and point to their overwhelming circumstances.

But Right Arms Can Dance
Right Arms can put their Whole Self in at any moment… by exchanging excuses for insights.

When Right Arms pause to reflect on their lackluster participation in mentoring, they can identify valuable insights and learnings. And by sharing — at any point in the relationship – – what went well and what they will do differently going forward, Right Arms can deliberately move their Whole Self into the dance.

That’s how you do the Hokey Pokey in mentoring and in life!

[Flash] Talk Yourself Up (Mentoring from Carrie Underwood)

On the music competition show American Idol, Season 4 winner Carrie Underwood joined the show recently to mentor the final contestants. When one of them asked her for advice on how she projects confidence when nervous, Carrie responded, “Talk yourself up.”

Carol Dweck, author of Mindset, would love this mentoring! In her 2007 book, she introduced the world to fixed and growth mindsets. “Talk yourself up” comes from a growth mindset.

With a fixed mindset, our efforts, actions, and results define us. So then, each success or setback feels like a validation or an indictment of who we are. And this causes us to constantly defend, justify, excuse, or blame to preserve who we are.

Conversely, with a growth mindset, our efforts, actions, and results do not define but inform us. Thereby, each success or setback is merely information that we can use to improve and grow.

When we operate from a fixed mindset, we battle fears and imposter syndrome (“Who do you think you are to perform on stage in front of millions?”). We become so consumed with protecting an image that we recoil from taking chances or appropriate risks. We talk ourselves down to prevent failure.

But when we operate with a growth mindset, we work to improve, look for areas to develop, seek mentoring, take on new actions like an experiment, and approach our perspectives like an exploration. We talk ourselves up for the adventure that awaits!

Frustratingly, our fixed mindset is triggered when we are confronted by challenges, face criticism, and compare ourselves to others (say goodbye, social media!).

Our daily test then is to catch our fixed mindset in the moment (“Watch out! You’re going to fail!”) and shift to a growth mindset by talking ourselves up! (“This is an experience, and I’m going to learn something amazing!”)

My niece talks herself up each time she steps onto the swim block for a race at the pool. When I first watched her swim, I thought I was cheering for her to beat the swimmer in the next lane. But in each race, she is focused on shaving seconds off her personal record. A growth mindset! (Her mindset when doing her English homework is another story…)

[Flash] It’s OK Not to Be a Mentor (Even If I Want You To)

When rookie quarterback Mark Willis joined the Tennessee Titans, veteran quarterback Ryan Tannehill commented in a press conference, “We’re competing against each other. I don’t think it’s my job to mentor him, but if he learns from me along the way, then that’s a great thing.”

His statement sparked a thunderstorm! NFL mentors rushed out of every corner to declare their commitment to mentoring others:

Marcus Mariota, quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, said, “I have no ego. If the team drafts someone else, I’ll give as much advice and knowledge as I can.“
Eagle center Jason Kelce said, “The way you make a lasting impact as a player and as a person is how you influence other people and hopefully help others realize their dreams. That’s a big part of being a veteran player. I’d like to be part of something that lasts longer. I don’t want to just leave behind statistics and cool highlight blocks.”
Retired quarterback Kurt Warner, “I will never understand the ‘I’m not here to mentor the next guy’ mentality… so for all you young QBs that need a mentor, DM me, and I’ll be that guy, happy to help in any way I can!”

While we all need people on our team like Mariota, Kelce, and Warner, we also need to identify people like Tannehill – not to castigate their approach but to welcome their honesty.

Not everyone likes to mentor. Not everyone considers it essential to share their wisdom, especially with their future replacements. And not everyone is on a mission to support other people’s success. And that’s OK.

But if we guilt or shame these people into mentoring, we will invariably end up with a gaggle of mentors who don’t want to mentor. And that ruins the journey for both parties – the displeased mentors and the unfortunate mentees.

Instead, let’s create mentoring structures that attract, encourage, support, and acknowledge those who value mentoring others without punishing those who don’t.

Mentoring is a gratifying, leadership strengthening experience… but only for those who believe it is. Find them. Foster their potential to make a difference, and your rookies will be well cared for.

[Flash] Mentors Don’t Need Protecting (But Some Program Leaders Need Dr. Rick)

Progressive Insurance produces some of my favorite commercials in which Dr. Rick coaches adults who are at risk of becoming their parents.In one episode, Dr. Rick offers lessons to a group of adults while shopping at a hardware store. In the tools aisle, he finds one of his folks saying to a stranger, “If you’re looking for a grout brush…” Dr. Rick quickly intervenes, “Did he ask for your help? No,” as he redirects his group member away from the stranger.

In a more recent episode, Dr. Rick takes a group of adults to the movies, and as they walk toward the theater, one woman points out the restrooms and says, “Bathrooms! Even if you don’t have to go, you should try.” Dr. Rick scolds, “We all know where the bathroom is and how to use it, okay?”

I need to channel Dr. Rick when my mentoring program leaders attempt to manage and protect their mentors.

One program team I worked with was so afraid of burdening their program’s mentors that they refused to send any emails to the mentors. As a result, the mentors were confused and frustrated – predictably, they complained about the utter lack of communication from the program.

Other program leaders insist that mentees be responsible for creating and driving the relationship. But it’s a relationship. And relationships take two to develop and grow. So why absolve the mentors of responsibility?

And then my personal favorite… the fear that mentees will reach out to mentors too much or too often. I wish programs had this problem! Instead, most suffer from over-intimidated or overwhelmed mentees.

Mentors don’t need safeguards!

Mentors are not fragile – mentoring is not their burden; it’s their privilege
Mentors are not offended by communication from the program or their mentees – they know how to manage their emails, voicemails, and schedules
Mentors do not want to be detached and nonchalant – they signed up to engage in a relationship, so encourage them to forge ahead!

I’ve never had a mentor complain about an over-eager mentee or over-communication from the program!

Mentors don’t need protection. Instead, they need to discover and grow their mentoring skills! Program leaders just need to get out of the way…

[Flash] Seeking White-Knuckle Moments

Phillip Phillips won American Idol in 2012. Since then, he has sold 5 million copies of his hit “Home,” produced three albums, and performed on morning shows, afternoon shows, late shows, and concerts worldwide.

This month, Phillip returned to American Idol to debut his new single, “Love Like That.”

When he finished singing, the audience was on their feet, roaring for their fan favorite.

As the applause subsided, Phillip exhaled, smiled, and remarked to the judges, “It’s still terrifying.”

Similarly, when Willie Geist interviewed actress Sienna Miller recently on Sunday Sitdown, he asked her, “Stage or film? Which one gratifies you more?” Without hesitation, she responded, “Stage. Because it’s terrifying and indelible. And when I achieve that unimaginable thing I didn’t think I’d survive? I say, Yes! I did that!”

Why are Phillip and Sienna seeking out “terrifying” situations while others gravitate to zones of comfort?

And are we robbing ourselves of the journey and the challenge when we seek safety, predictability, and ease?

While “terrifying” means dreadful and fearsome, it also means hair-raising, formidable, thrilling, and white-knuckling, like riding a roller coaster.

These moments push us to grow, remind us that we are alive, and encourage us to lean into life.

But we don’t need to audition for American Idol or jump out of airplanes to find those white-knuckle moments that help us grow.

Opportunities abound!

Volunteer to lead a new project
Pitch an irreverent idea
Be the lone dissenter or supporter
Ask a question in a room of silence
Confront a bully
Advocate for ourselves
Offer tough-to-hear feedback
Embrace difficult conversations
Change roles
Make friends out of strangers
Connect with senior leaders
Engage cranky clients and petulant peers
Deliver a presentation
Be a mentor
Call a mentor

White knuckles don’t typically result from answering routine emails and attending conference calls. They occur when we muster the courage to do that which we think we can not do.

Actress Viola Davis reflected recently in an interview, “I don’t want to go to my grave and have my final thought be, I was not brave.”

Isn’t it time for more butterflies-in-the-stomach experiences at work and in life?!

[Flash] Don’t Look For a Mentor. Look Around For Mentoring

In my house, whenever someone hollers, “I looked. I can’t find it!” I instinctively respond, “Look around.”

And when people ask me, “How do I find a mentor?” I offer similar advice…

“Don’t look for a mentor. Look around for mentoring.”

Last year in one of our leadership mentoring programs at a small hospital, a nurse manager mentee confessed to me glumly, “Ann, I’ve never met with my mentor.”

Concerned, I approached his mentor, a nurse executive at the hospital, to better understand the situation and hear her side.

I was surprised (and delighted!) to hear the mentor say, “Ann, I love this mentoring program! Once a week, I walk around the hospital with my mentee as he sees patients and engages with his nurses. I get to observe one of our leaders in action!”

When I asked the mentee about this, he staggered, “That’s our mentoring session? I envisioned sitting in her office immersed in conversation about leadership.”

I challenged, “John! Be agile and adaptable! While you wait for Obi-Wan Kenobi to show up, your mentor is walking with you! Stop missing these mentoring moments and start asking better questions.”

To prepare him for his walk-and-mentor sessions, we generated the following questions to spark the mentoring conversations he craved:

What are you noticing that I’m doing well?
What could I be doing differently?
What is your perspective of this situation?
What am I missing? What are my blindspots?
Do you have any advice or recommendations for me?
Who else should I get to know?
What resources should I leverage?
What should I be reading?
What actions should I take next?

Once we closed his expectation gap, the mentee successfully kindled his mentor’s wisdom during their weekly walk-and-mentor sessions.

Don’t look for a mentor. Look around for mentoring conversations by asking different questions.

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