All Posts by Ann Tardy

I get it! The days already feel clogged.

So, I recommended Synchronous Mentoring.

We can’t wait until we have time to do mentoring – our calendars abhor a vacuum, causing available slots to fill quickly! So, we must make time.

Consultant Alan Weiss says we need to shift from managing our time to managing our activities in the time we have. Bingo!

And that’s precisely what powers Synchronous Mentoring.

Fortunately, mentoring is not contingent upon the time we have. It’s contingent upon the conversations we create.

In my experience, people don’t enroll in mentoring because they are bored and looking for new activities or friends. They enroll because they are starving for wisdom. They crave fresh perspectives, thought partners, insights, validation, shared experiences, a sounding board, new ideas, advice, and encouragement.

And none of that takes enormous amounts of time. But it does take intentionality.

In Synchronous Mentoring, we mentor at the same time as we do another activity.

For example, when I walk my dogs, I am not on zoom calls or distracted by emails. And because I walk my dogs at about the same time every day, my mentees know when to connect with me. With Synchronous Mentoring, I make time to exchange advice, perspectives, and ideas by coupling one activity with another. 

Examples of Synchronous Mentoring:

• Mentoring while sharing a meal
• Mentoring while walking
• Mentoring while driving
• Mentoring while meeting to review project status
• Mentoring while delayed at the airport
• Mentoring while attending a company event together
• Mentoring while waiting for an appointment

Synchronous Mentoring often requires us to lean into a moment spontaneously. So, it behooves us to carry a list of mentoring questions to evolve any conversation and make the most of those moments.

Here are 5 go-to mentoring questions:

1. What went well?
2. What would you (could I) do differently next time?
3. What is your observation?
4. What insights do you have?
5. What am I missing?

Synchronous Mentoring is about the conversations we create for the moments we are in.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Grisham has written over 50 books, which have sold over 350 million copies worldwide. Unsurprisingly, he has developed a writing habit of 1,000 words a day.

Reflecting on his career, Grisham shared the following insight during his interview:

“When I start a book, I have a very good outline. You can waste a lot of time if you don’t know where you’re going. If you know where you’re going, it’s hard to get lost.”

Marvelous life advice! We aren’t so easily distracted or derailed when we know where we’re heading. 

Grisham continued, “One of my rules of writing: don’t write the first scene until you know the last scene. I know the last scene before I start. I always know where I’m going [with a story]. If you know the ending, you know what’s next. It’s hard to stare at the screen and not do anything; you [feel compelled] to get there.”

Applying Grisham’s advice doesn’t mean writing the last scene of your life; it means establishing the final scene of a goal. Understand how you want an adventure to end before allowing the trek to unfold. Identify the finish line.

Now let’s apply Grisham’s writing approach to mentoring. Some people go into mentoring without a specific goal, and they flounder.

Conversely, those who envision a goal’s completion will enthusiastically share that target with a mentor. And because the mentor agreed to guide, advise, and encourage, that clear destination gives purpose to their mentoring conversations. 

Determining how the voyage ends creates a sense of urgency to start the journey. Not someday. Now. An alluring conclusion sparks excitement to take action immediately.

Every juicy, audacious, jump-out-of-bed-early goal I’ve ever accomplished – from taking the bar exam to authoring a book to cycling across the country – had a clear destination… the last scene. And this drove me to deliberately connect, move, discover, and grow throughout each experience.

Know the last scene, and it will entice you down the entire path.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In an attempt to better understand the Great Resignation, author Marcus Buckingham and the ADP Research Institute interviewed 50,000 people in working populations around the world. They set out to determine what actually predicts retention, performance, and engagement.

Their conclusion? It has less to do with pay, colleagues, location, or even a belief in the mission and more to do with people’s love for the content of the work itself.

According to their research, people consider:

• Was I excited to work every day last week?
• Did I have a chance to use my strengths every day?
• Do I get a chance to do what I’m good at and something I love at work?

Accordingly, Buckingham argues that leaders must intentionally and intelligently strive to connect people’s activities with their strengths and what they love to do. Only then can they achieve higher engagement and lower turnover.

He recommends that leaders remember:

1. People are the point: People are the most critical stakeholders in the organization, above customers and shareholders.
2. One size fits one: Everyone is distinct in what enthuses them about work.
3. In trust we grow: Trust must be the foundation of all practices and policies.

While I appreciate the research and guidance directed at leaders, the conversation feels rather one-sided. It would be negligent if we didn’t also acknowledge that leaders cannot be solely responsible for ensuring that people enjoy their jobs.

We must consider: What role do people play in their quest for excitement, strengths-based assignments, and joy on the job?

Arguably leaders cannot help people realign unless people remember:

1. Customers are the reason: We have jobs because we have customers.
2. Leaders are not mind-readers: They need us to share our strengths, what we enjoy about our work, and where we feel confident and competent.
3. Trust takes two: We need to be trustworthy, and we need to trust back.

While leaders must endeavor to lead differently, people must endeavor to follow differently…  not by resigning but by reflecting and realigning. 

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

While it was interesting to learn more about this person, notice our commonalities, and store the book recommendation, it’s just data. 

To truly get to know someone and their journey, I need context and insight.

I’m drowning in information, but I’m parched for wisdom. 

When I read my friend’s get-to-know-me email, I found myself more curious about why those items were her favorites and what she had discovered, learned, perceived, or experienced in creating her list.

But pausing to identify insights takes time and intentionality. It’s easy to list a bunch of facts about ourselves in an email template. Conversely, it’s challenging to parse through the data, think critically about our experiences, and articulate our learnings.

I’m surmising this is why I gravitate to memoirs on Audible.

I love the hero’s journey, the overcoming of obstacles that evolves us as human beings. And I appreciate people who persevere, reflect, and then mentor us with their perspectives, especially famous people.

My favorite struggle-behind-the-success memoir authors include Michelle Obama, Katie Couric, Viola Davis, Marc Randolph (co-founder of Netflix), Dave Grohl (drummer of Nirvana), and Stephen King.

Memoirs demand that the authors think critically about their adventures and offer us their wisdom, not merely a catalog of their circumstances.

Actor Matthew McConaughey amplified this notion in my other favorite memoir, Greenlights.

McConaughey ended each chapter with a “Note to Self!” section in which he identified his insight from that period of his life. It was a playful pause to reflect and articulate his learning. 

In addition, it was like ear candy listening to McConaughey narrate his book. When he reached each “Note to Self!,” he deployed his infamous drawl coupled with his whimsical nature to emphasize each lesson theatrically. As if he couldn’t decide if he was mentoring us or reminding himself.

More insights. Less information.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Right arm! You put your right arm in. You put your right arm out. You put your right arm in, and you shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey, and you turn yourself around. That’s what it’s all about!

The song then repeats, calling on other body parts (ex: left leg, right foot, left side, backside) and ending with the whole self!

Remembering this participation dance, I’ve noticed a similarity to how people participate in mentoring. There are:

1. Observers
2. Right Arms
3. Whole Selves

Observers
Observers sit on the side, watching everyone else have fun. 

They don’t participate in mentoring because they are too busy or don’t feel like they need it. 

Right Arms
Right Arms participate in mentoring but in a limited way. 

Right Arms attend the virtual kickoff but never turn on their cameras or participate in the chat. They have a mentoring partner, but they only sporadically meet because they’ve made little effort to get to know them personally. And they lack a compelling goal, so there’s no sense of urgency to connect. By the end of the program, they often regret missing the opportunity, especially when they hear about the Whole Selves’ great relationships and transformative successes.

Whole Selves
Whole Selves jump into the mentoring experience. 

They make contact immediately with their Mentor or Mentee. They show up with gripping goals and unbridled enthusiasm for the possibility of the partnership! They quickly look for ways to build trust, engage, and contribute. They take notes, send calendar invites, share resources, and make introductions. And they never leave one conversation without arranging the next one. Inevitably through the process, the Mentee and Mentor grow. 

The Right Arm Predicament
Right Arms are in a quandary. Unlike Observers, they do show up, but unlike Whole Selves, they aren’t leaning into the program or the relationship as they had committed to. So they feel obliged to justify their inaction. Eventually, they rattle off a litany of excuses and point to their overwhelming circumstances.

But Right Arms Can Dance 
Right Arms can put their Whole Self in at any moment… by exchanging excuses for insights. 

When Right Arms pause to reflect on their lackluster participation in mentoring, they can identify valuable insights and learnings. And by sharing — at any point in the relationship – – what went well and what they will do differently going forward, Right Arms can deliberately move their Whole Self into the dance.

That’s how you do the Hokey Pokey in mentoring and in life! 

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Carol Dweck, author of Mindset, would love this mentoring! In her 2007 book, she introduced the world to fixed and growth mindsets. “Talk yourself up” comes from a growth mindset.

With a fixed mindset, our efforts, actions, and results define us. So then, each success or setback feels like a validation or an indictment of who we are. And this causes us to constantly defend, justify, excuse, or blame to preserve who we are.

Conversely, with a growth mindset, our efforts, actions, and results do not define but inform us. Thereby, each success or setback is merely information that we can use to improve and grow.

When we operate from a fixed mindset, we battle fears and imposter syndrome (“Who do you think you are to perform on stage in front of millions?”). We become so consumed with protecting an image that we recoil from taking chances or appropriate risks. We talk ourselves down to prevent failure. 

But when we operate with a growth mindset, we work to improve, look for areas to develop, seek mentoring, take on new actions like an experiment, and approach our perspectives like an exploration. We talk ourselves up for the adventure that awaits!

Frustratingly, our fixed mindset is triggered when we are confronted by challenges, face criticism, and compare ourselves to others (say goodbye, social media!).

Our daily test then is to catch our fixed mindset in the moment (“Watch out! You’re going to fail!”) and shift to a growth mindset by talking ourselves up! (“This is an experience, and I’m going to learn something amazing!”) 

My niece talks herself up each time she steps onto the swim block for a race at the pool. When I first watched her swim, I thought I was cheering for her to beat the swimmer in the next lane. But in each race, she is focused on shaving seconds off her personal record. A growth mindset! (Her mindset when doing her English homework is another story…)

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

His statement sparked a thunderstorm! NFL mentors rushed out of every corner to declare their commitment to mentoring others:

• Marcus Mariota, quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, said, “I have no ego. If the team drafts someone else, I’ll give as much advice and knowledge as I can.“
• Eagle center Jason Kelce said, “The way you make a lasting impact as a player and as a person is how you influence other people and hopefully help others realize their dreams. That’s a big part of being a veteran player. I’d like to be part of something that lasts longer. I don’t want to just leave behind statistics and cool highlight blocks.”
• Retired quarterback Kurt Warner, “I will never understand the ‘I’m not here to mentor the next guy’ mentality… so for all you young QBs that need a mentor, DM me, and I’ll be that guy, happy to help in any way I can!”

While we all need people on our team like Mariota, Kelce, and Warner, we also need to identify people like Tannehill – not to castigate their approach but to welcome their honesty. 

Not everyone likes to mentor. Not everyone considers it essential to share their wisdom, especially with their future replacements. And not everyone is on a mission to support other people’s success. And that’s OK.

But if we guilt or shame these people into mentoring, we will invariably end up with a gaggle of mentors who don’t want to mentor. And that ruins the journey for both parties – the displeased mentors and the unfortunate mentees.

Instead, let’s create mentoring structures that attract, encourage, support, and acknowledge those who value mentoring others without punishing those who don’t.

Mentoring is a gratifying, leadership strengthening experience… but only for those who believe it is. Find them. Foster their potential to make a difference, and your rookies will be well cared for.

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In a more recent episode, Dr. Rick takes a group of adults to the movies, and as they walk toward the theater, one woman points out the restrooms and says, “Bathrooms! Even if you don’t have to go, you should try.” Dr. Rick scolds, “We all know where the bathroom is and how to use it, okay?”

I need to channel Dr. Rick when my mentoring program leaders attempt to manage and protect their mentors.

One program team I worked with was so afraid of burdening their program’s mentors that they refused to send any emails to the mentors. As a result, the mentors were confused and frustrated – predictably, they complained about the utter lack of communication from the program.

Other program leaders insist that mentees be responsible for creating and driving the relationship. But it’s a relationship. And relationships take two to develop and grow. So why absolve the mentors of responsibility?

And then my personal favorite… the fear that mentees will reach out to mentors too much or too often. I wish programs had this problem! Instead, most suffer from over-intimidated or overwhelmed mentees.

Mentors don’t need safeguards!

1. Mentors are not fragile – mentoring is not their burden; it’s their privilege
2. Mentors are not offended by communication from the program or their mentees – they know how to manage their emails, voicemails, and schedules
3. Mentors do not want to be detached and nonchalant – they signed up to engage in a relationship, so encourage them to forge ahead!

I’ve never had a mentor complain about an over-eager mentee or over-communication from the program!

Mentors don’t need protection. Instead, they need to discover and grow their mentoring skills! Program leaders just need to get out of the way…

© 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.