During an interview with Adam Grant, Meyer explained his commitment to building a culture of excellence and care with three key reframes.

1. Peers First

Instead of “customers first,” Meyer promotes “peers first.” He instructs his employees that their first job when they come to work is to take great care of each other. 

The founder of Southwest Airlines, Herb Kelleher, took a similar “people first” approach. But he preached that when the organization takes care of its employees, they will care for the customers. Albeit a successful model, it places the onus on the organization to create that culture of excellence and care.

Meyer shifts that responsibility to the people. He expects people to create their own culture of excellence and care.

Meyer says, “You will be held accountable, even before how you treat our paying customers, for how you treat each other.”

2. Help People Grow by Not Helping

To help employees who want to grow, Meyer invites, “Help me understand what your aspirations are and what we can do to get out of your way so you can achieve them.”

Again, he intentionally places ownership for success in the hands of the employee.

This help-by-not-jumping-in-to-help approach reinforces that people are 100% responsible for their success.

As soon as a manager asks, “How can I support you?” or “How can I help you achieve that,” the responsibility becomes shared.

3. Focus on What Could Go Right

When faced with employees who are afraid to take risks, Meyer mentors, “What could possibly go right? What if this thing works? Will we be prepared for success?” 

Meyer explains, “It helps us dream bigger dreams when I ask that question. But it also helps us plan for success because many of our failures occur when we get caught up in the what-could-go-wrong stuff.”

Rescuing Not Required

As Meyer demonstrates with his mentoring-while-managing leadership, mentees don’t need to be saved.

They need to be challenged:

1. Are you taking great care of your peers?
2. What is in the way of your aspirations?
3. What could go right and are you prepared for that success?

Mentoring is more than just offering advice; it’s about empowering people to think differently and take action.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

When Debra’s manager recommends that she hire a younger comic to write jokes for her, she is incensed! She doesn’t need help, especially from a comedian two generations apart.

Ava, the younger comedian writer, is undeterred, and somewhat belligerent, calling Debra a “hack” – someone whose work has become dull, unimaginative, and mediocre.

That label forced Debra to admit that Ava was correct. She had calcified, her material had become trite, and she had stopped growing.

Over the next three seasons, Ava mentors Debra in an informal, reverse mentoring relationship. Deborah evolves, and Ava thrives in her role.

Reverse Mentoring
Reverse mentoring occurs when someone younger or junior mentors someone senior or more experienced. It’s an effective way to bridge generational gaps.

In 1999, Jack Welch, CEO of General Electric, initiated a reverse mentoring program in response to the onslaught of technology rattling the business landscape. He noticed his senior leaders resisting the new digital world and feared GE would be left behind.

Jack paired 500 senior leaders (the mentees) with younger, tech-savvy employees (the mentors) who provided mentoring on hi-tech trends, including the internet and email.

The result? Senior leaders grew confident in incorporating technological strategies into their operations, helping GE stay competitive.

Challenges
The potential of reverse mentoring risks stalling at the intersection of pride and pressure. 

• Pride: Acknowledging the need for knowledge and wisdom can make senior leader mentees feel vulnerable.
• Pressure The power dynamics can intimidate new employee mentors who lack confidence.

But the value of “mentoring up” is worth the discomfort.

Reverse mentoring:

• Highlights the potential of younger generations to contribute insights and expertise
• Fuels a culture of continuous learning and resilience
• Fosters inclusion, recognition, collaboration, and innovation
• Showcases the power of diverse perspectives

We can generate reverse mentoring in any conversation by shifting our mindset from “leader” to “mentee” and asking mentoring questions to our younger, newer, or greener colleagues:

• What do you think of this idea?
• What is your perspective?
• How can I improve?
• What am I not seeing?
• What advice or guidance do you have?
• What’s it like from your experience? 
• Are you noticing any trends that might impact our decision?

While often overlooked, reverse mentoring offers an opportunity to unearth potential in both participants.

Don’t be a hack. Be a mentee! 

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The world watched her sprint to a journal after each jump, grab a pen, and start writing.

As Nicola explains, she captures how she feels and then rates herself from 1-10 on technique (run-up, take-off, and execution). “It allows me to ask, ‘What do I need to work on?’ rather than get carried away by the emotion.”

Nicola has incorporated this disciplined, reflective practice into her routine.

Why? Because we learn from our experiences not by running past them but by leaning into them.

Diligently, Nicola pauses after each jump to ponder her performance and consider how she could refine her next jump.

And it worked! Her commitment to incrementally improve earned her the silver medal!

While our high jumps look different, the enormous value of self-reflecting is universal. 

A “high jump” is any event where growth matters because success matters to us:

• a weekly team huddle
• a monthly presentation
• a quarterly client review
• a job interview
• a sales pitch
• an interaction with leadership
• a mentoring conversation

When we assess our performance in that event and measure our execution, emotional state, interactions, or outcome, we can make adjustments like Nicola did after every jump.

For example, these measurements inform a reflective practice:

• Sleep scores
• Steps
• Splat points (from OrangeTheory Fitness) 
• Calories
• Weight
• Blood pressure
• Expenses

Based on these routinely curated scores, we set goals, make adjustments, and improve various aspects of our lives. 

Amazingly, the intentional focus required for self-reflection can calm us in chaos, while incremental improvements can bolster our confidence.

In mentoring, reflection is essential for the learning process to occur. 

1. A mentor critically thinks about an experience to articulate learnings and share advice.
2. A mentee reflects on an experience to gain a deeper understanding and explore how to apply those insights to future situations.

The magic lies in the simplicity of the reflection.

These 7 potent questions can readily structure a reflective routine for any “high jump:”

1. What happened?
2. How did I feel?
3. What worked?
4. What didn’t work?
5. What did I learn?
6. How could I have handled it differently?
7. What will I do differently next time?

If you want to improve your resilience, performance, leadership, and joy, consider reflecting after your next high jump!

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

The 1500-meter race is a grueling 15-minute test of endurance in which swimmers sprint 30 laps in an Olympic-size pool.

During a post-win interview, a reporter asked Katie about the race and what goes through her mind as she swims.

Katie responded, “My mind started wandering as I was racing. I was thinking of everyone who has supported me all these years. I was thinking of all the people who have trained with me, just saying their names in my head. So many great [people] have helped me get to this moment.”

That makes sense – no one gets to these milestone moments alone.

As the stands erupted in cheers, Katie meditated on her mentors!

So, who mentored Katie Ledecky?

Reading her new memoir, Just Add Water, it’s easy to wonder, who didn’t mentor Katie? Every chapter highlights numerous individuals Katie credits for having influenced, guided, coached, encouraged, advised, championed, validated, challenged, and rooted for her since she learned to swim at age six.

Even the Acknowledgements section at the end of the book reads like an Oscar acceptance speech!

One of her coaches, Bruce, was so instrumental in accelerating her success that she dedicated an entire chapter to her experience working with him.

After winning her first gold medal at the Olympics at age 15, Katie joined a new swim team led by coach Bruce Gemmel.

Bruce was an engineer turned swim coach, and he trained her from that perspective. Bruce offered Katie a fresh start and a mindset shift. His meticulous planning and technical approach improved her swimming by recalibrating her tempo.

But more than anything, he became a mentor. “The biggest thing Bruce did for me was to help me think bigger.”

Bruce gave Katie permission to aim big, anything-is-possible big.

She wrote in her memoir, “Bruce knew me better than I knew myself.”

While Katie no longer swims on that team, she often reconnects with Bruce “to seek guidance about swimming, about life. He’s always willing to listen. He never oversteps.”

Before every race, Bruce would tell her, “Have fun.”  He taught her that life is short and everything can change instantly. Watching Katie compete, listening to her interviews, and reading her memoir, it’s evident that “having fun” permeates her approach in practice, during races, and in life.

In her young but illustrious career, Katie has discovered the secret sauce to professional success: audacious goals, unwavering discipline, abundant mentoring, and unhindered joy.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Society reveres the achievers, the ones who set and accomplish goals. And scoffs at those who quit.

Quitting is for losers, right? Wrong.

While goal grit is exalted, it can come with a cost if we aren’t evaluating and evolving. 

I registered for the New York City Marathon many years ago but quit when I hurt my knee in training the week before.

Distraught and disappointed from quitting, I sought another form of exercise, one kinder to my knees. I turned to cycling and discovered a new world!

Eager for a different challenge, I registered for the SF-to-LA charity bike ride, which gave me the confidence to cycle across the country, up the East Coast, and down the West Coast.

But I had never considered any of those goals – I was too busy running. Until I quit.

Upon reflection, every past quit has led me to a new path.

• I quit Chicago after law school to create an adventure in San Francisco.
• I quit my legal career to experience entrepreneurship and start three businesses (two of which I quit to build this one).
• I quit a book project I had no passion for, leading me to write a better book.

But I also have plenty of examples of projects and paths I should have quit. I persevered too long, not paying attention to or acknowledging the learnings. Crossing the finish line just to say I did it.

And that is the challenge with goal setting. It emphasizes the grit, not the grind. Obsessed with finishing, we devalue the journey.

Duke recommends adding an “unless” statement to goals to provide us with what she calls “kill criteria” – an indicator to choose quit over grit.

• I’m going to finish this marathon “unless” I get hurt.
• I will stick with this book proposal “unless” I discover a disdain for the topic.
• I will pursue this career path “unless” I no longer make the difference I want.

Without an “unless” statement, we risk maniacally pursuing a goal without evolving or evaluating. And blind pursuit of goals suffocates growth.

In every mentoring relationship, goals are essential – they give meaning and direction to mentoring conversations.

But the magic of mentoring occurs while chasing that goal. And that chase sometimes reveals an “unless.”

As mentors, our job is not just to offer advice; it’s to hold our mentees accountable and encourage their growth by evaluating progress and evolving goals.

Mentors do not fail when a goal falls. We rise to the level of our mentees’ growth.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

Years prior, Andrea had trained Carmy at her prestigious restaurant, Ever, and inspired him with her passion for food, people, and exceptional service. Carmy’s new restaurant, The Bear, reflects her influence.

At a celebration at Ever, Andrea and Carmy engage in the following mentoring conversation. His profound respect and reverence for her are palpable.

Carmy: Chef, I don’t think I ever got to tell you just how much I learned in this place

(Here, Carmy redirected their initial chitchat by acknowledging Andrea’s mentoring.)

Andrea: How much did you learn?

(Andrea didn’t deflect or run past it. Instead, she gave his appreciation space to expand.)

Carmy: It’s a lot. Thank you. 

Andrea: Well, I learned plenty myself. I learned that I want to sleep in more, go to London more, and go to a party and meet people live.    

(Here, Andrea candidly shared insights from her own learning journey.)

Carmy: That’s why you’re closing Ever? 

Andrea: Yes, but I got to do all the things I wanted to do the way I wanted to do them with the people I wanted to do them with, so I can’t ask more than that, really.

(Andrea’s fresh perspective gave Carmy pause; his reality suddenly altered.)

Carmy: huh.

Andrea: And now you’re starting.

(Here, Andrea shifts the spotlight back to Carmy.)

Carmy: It feels like I’ve been starting forever.

(Andrea’s sharing gave Carmy permission to meet her vulnerability with his own.)

Andrea: But I’ve heard your restaurant is wonderful. Congratulations, Carmy. Truly

(Andrea’s sincere compliment recognized Carmy’s commitment and dedication.)

Carmy: Thank you, Chef. Can I ask you something? What would you tell yourself when you were where I am?

(Here, Carmy noticed his need for guidance rather than compliments. He leaned into this moment to request advice from his mentor without any need to impress her or fear judgment.)

Andrea: I don’t think there’s any right thing to say that will make any difference… I think I would have told myself that you have no idea what you’re doing and, therefore, you’re invincible.

(At first, Andrea downplayed her wisdom and then rose to the request. She seized the opportunity to validate Carmy’s struggle while offering advice to ease his tortured quest for perfection.)

Andrea: Can I ask you something? Next time we see each other, will you please call me Andrea?

(She ended with a request to be a human being first and a mentor second.)

Carmy: Yes, Chef, thank you.

(He agreed but with admiration.)

Mentoring is notoriously defined as one person advising another – a simplistic, unrequited transaction.

Yet, the skill of mentoring is immensely more dynamic. A meaningful mentoring conversation unfolds like a dance where the partners listen on purpose, shifting their contributions as their exchange blossoms and the needs evolve.
Carmy and Andrea beautifully demonstrated this dance as they pivoted their conversation from recognizing to reflecting, perspective-sharing to advising, validating to encouraging.

Mentoring may start as a transaction, but a heartfelt exploration and learning journey inevitably leads to a transformation.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

In Chapter 6, Voss recommends that when pitching a manager for a new role or project, don’t be a body for a job. Be an ambassador of their success.

Doing so will validate their intelligence while recruiting an unofficial mentor at the same time.

How? Ask: “What does it take to be successful here?” 

This purposeful inquiry signals an invitation for their advice and guidance.

When someone gives us advice, the Advice Giver covertly hopes we follow it – our actions confirm their wisdom. 

So, the Advice Giver will observe our next move and stake a personal claim on our success.

With that one question, we offer the Advice Giver an opportunity to invest in us, like a mentor.

Advice Hesitation? 

If one question could rouse a champion…

• Why don’t we initiate more advice-inviting conversations?
• Why aren’t we sending out signals for guidance?
• Why don’t we stealthily recruit mentors from everyday connections?

Because conceding that we need advice or help can often feel vulnerable, an admission that we don’t have all the answers. This carries the burden of embarrassment, buttressed on a foundation of fear.

Get past that discomfort, and our world will be bursting with wisdom!

Advice-inviting is an empowering skill set, simultaneously requiring and fueling our confidence, courage, and curiosity.

7 Steps to Advice-Inviting:

1. Pick a person to learn from.
2. Acknowledge their value (“I noticed your recent success on X project.”)
3. Share a goal/transition/challenge/aspiration
4. Ask purposeful, advice-inviting questions:
   • What does it take to be successful here?
   • What did you learn when you did X? 
   • How did you make that decision?
   • What do you wish you had done differently? 
5. Listen for their contributions 
6. Take some action – experiment!
7. Follow up with results, insights, and gratitude.

Pick a problem. Pick a person. Pick their brain.

When we actively and regularly engage in advice-inviting conversations, we can drastically deepen our connections and outcomes.

Don’t worry about calling someone a “mentor” – purposefully invite their advice and their mentoring will follow.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q3 complimentary webinar?
“Boost Mentoring Participation: Harness Motivational Assessments to Drive Employee Engagement and Retention”
Date: Fri Aug 9 @ 10am PT | 11am MT | 12pm CT | 1pm ET
Register: www.mentorlead.com/webinars

My niece Lulu is playing the same game. As a varsity swimmer ranked 13th in the state and a freshman in high school, she swims 36 miles a week!

Last weekend, Lulu competed in a 4-day regional swim meet. Before she left, she shared with me the goals she set for each race in the competition – she had typed the following into the Notes app on her iPhone:

• 400 Freestyle: drop 6 seconds
• 100 Freestyle: under a minute, sprint all out, maintain breathing every 3 and 6 dolphin kicks off the wall
• 200 Breaststroke: under 3 minutes, aim for 2:58:59
• 200 IM: drop 2 seconds to get champ cut
• 100 Fly: 6 dolphin kicks off each wall and kick more fluently
• 200 Freestyle: hold 32 and get NCSA cut
• 50 Freestyle: go a 28 to get my speedo sectional cut
• 100 Breaststroke: hold a good pace
• 50 Breaststroke: swim and enjoy it
• 200 Backstroke: try not to die on the last 50 and just swim (She detests the backstroke.)

Lulu doesn’t just swim to win a race. She swims to improve her performance, her skills, her team, and her experience.

When she returned from the competition, she sent me a screenshot of the Notes app where she captured her results (set forth below).

Notice how she frames every result in a reflective, self-affirming, swimming-toward-a-better-version-of-myself way.

Results:

• 400 Freestyle: added time but got second and I’m happy with my swim. I also stuck to my breathing pattern and kicks off the wall
• 100 Freestyle: I was super close to under a minute which will be good for next time. I got 1:00.09
• 200 Breaststroke: went under 3 minutes by a lot and dropped 13 seconds. Very happy with that swim
• 200 IM: very happy with my swim, dropped 5 seconds
• 100 Fly: Very happy with my swim, dropped 3 seconds and swam it very smart
• 200 Freestyle: I didn’t do as good as I wanted to but I’m still happy with it because I dropped in it and I hadn’t dropped in over a year
• 50 Freestyle: did well but didn’t drop; I’m happy with my swim
• 100 Breaststroke: Added but still had a good race; smart swimming and got points for the team 
• 50 Breaststroke: fun race, did good, and got points for the team
• 200 Backstroke: happy with my swim but was very tired when swimming

In our goal-obsessed culture, it’s easy to only value races won, mountains climbed, breakthroughs discovered, solutions invented, money made, and degrees earned.

No wonder some mentees struggle to get started with their mentor – they think they need a career-pivoting, earth-shattering goal.

What if instead we simply showed up in search of a better version of ourselves? Seeking to be a bit more patient, empathetic, productive, strategic, or kinder today than we were yesterday.

We might be happy with our swim, too.

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.