[Flash] Be Better Not Bitter (Advice from Ulta Beauty CEO)

Admittedly, she said it stung when she thought she was the one for a role but then didn’t get it. But after the sting, Kecia reflected on what she could do to prepare for that job and be even better next time.

On last week’s How Leaders Lead podcast, Kecia shared the advice she regularly offers her Mentees. In the aftermath of any setback, she pledges, “I’m going to take this opportunity to be really ready when my time comes.”

“Better not bitter” requires discipline and self-awareness to learn from defeat. It’s easy to blame others or circumstances; it takes effort to be responsible for our future success.

It’s all information. Any experience can offer valuable information, but only if we look for it. By turning our attention inward, we can consider:

• What can I learn from this?
• What information is this offering me?
• What could I have done differently?
• Where could I improve?
• How could I approach this situation better next time?  

However, reflection is only possible after the emotional sting of a setback subsides. When it stings, sometimes we sting back – blaming, shaming, or complaining.

Embarrassingly, I once lost a big opportunity and, out of spite, immediately blocked the person on LinkedIn! I wasn’t reflecting. I was deflecting! I was emotionally hijacked. Only when my tantrum abated was I able to mine the situation for valuable information.

With distance and time, we can look at events through a different lens.

Ryan Serhart offered a hack on LinkedIn recently called “The Calendar Trick.” Whenever he experiences a setback, he opens his calendar and finds a date 30 days from that moment. He creates a calendar invite called “Read Me.” And in the body of the invite, he writes exactly how he feels about the situation.

When 30 days pass, he sees “Read Me” on his calendar and discovers:

1. He has fixed the situation,
2. He did something better, or
3. He just doesn’t care anymore.

This 30-day window allows Ryan to divorce his emotions from the situation. The Calendar Trick forces him to take action rather than letting his anger contaminate his commitment to grow.

To bounce forward into a bigger, bolder version, be better, not bitter.

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