[Flash] Follow-up Questions: The Superpower of all Great Mentors, Leaders, and Friends

Marcello: “When we saw this couple, my friends said, ‘I bet that guy’s rich.’ And I responded, ‘No, dawg. That guy probably listens like crazy. He probably says stuff like, ‘Wait, wait, wait, wait. Start again.’”

Then Marcello adds, “That guy probably has…”

At this, he inserts a dramatic pause and a smirk before dropping his punchline: “…follow-up questions!”

Marcello gets it. According to Warren Berger, author of The Book of Beautiful Questions, we demonstrate our sincere interest in others by asking questions. 

Each question is an invitation to share themselves with us – their stories, experiences, thoughts, and feelings. And when they share, we begin to understand them better, strengthening our connection.

My recent podcast guest, Selina Nazzaro, confirmed this strategy. I asked her how she manages those moments when self-doubt whispers in her ear as she is mentoring. She shared her secret: ask more questions.

Brilliant! Through inquiry, we demonstrate our genuine interest in the other person’s success.

To be a great leader or mentor, we don’t need to provide the right answer or life-altering advice. We need to become a thought partner. We need to engage and explore with more questions.

If follow-up questions are our superpower, why isn’t every conversation bursting with them?

Berger points to 5 “enemies of questioning”:
1. Fear (risk of revealing what we don’t know)
2. Knowledge (the more you know, the less you need to ask)
3. Bias (grounded on our limited experiences)
4. Hubris (a lack of humility)
5. Time (overwhelm)

Let’s add to his list: distraction and obliviousness. When we battle a constant assault on our senses, it takes effort to focus, let alone focus on someone else.

But when we value the relationship, it’s worth the effort.

Throughout the book, Berger offers lists of questions to help us decide, create, connect, and lead. His list of follow-up questions includes:

1. Just to be clear, are you saying…
2. Can you explain what you mean by that?
3. I imagine that made you feel X, right?
4. And what else?
5. How are you feeling about the experience?

I use these follow-up questions to deepen conversations:

• Tell me about…
• Help me understand…
• Interesting. What was that like?
• How did the other person respond?
• And what happened next? 

And when the other person offers follow-up answers, it’s vital to listen, engage, validate, and clarify using… more follow-up questions!

An interested person is hard to resist.

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