[Flash] Nudge vs. Judge: Is That Enough Weight for You?

She knew I could do more. And when she wondered it out loud, I realized I could do more, too. So, I picked up heavier weights.

She was nudging, not judging me. She was inviting me to see what she sees – a stronger version of me.

Instructor Jen cleverly used the Proposal Question to communicate her belief in me to reach for more while leaving the decision to take action in my hands.

When Peter Cuneo, former CEO of Marvel Entertainment, was interviewed on the How Leaders Lead podcast, he reflected:

“I’ve had people who came into my life at certain times who believed in me even more than I believed in myself. I’m not lacking self-confidence, but there were certain heights I just didn’t think I could reach. And they pushed me, encouraged me, and I made the effort just to please them, never thinking I’d get there. And they all worked out, actually.”

While research shows that we view advice as more valuable when we ask for it, our blind spots often cause us to miss opportunities to seek the nudge we need to stretch, reach, and grow.

And even when we know we need some support and encouragement, our pride often prevents us from asking, “Instructor Jen, could you encourage me to lift more?”

So, we count on people like Instructor Jen to notice opportunities to encourage us.

(More arguments for the power of the formal mentoring structure: mitigate the trappings of the ego and create opportunities to intentionally notice and encourage others!)

But the words these Mentors choose will determine if we receive that nudge with gratitude or a grudge.

Luckily, the Proposal Question operates stealthily – an invitation cloaked in a compliment.

It whispers, “I believe you could do more or do better. Want to try?”

The Proposal Question works by suggesting possibilities. Ultimately, the power to choose to do something and the ownership of any action remains at all times with the Mentee.

• Is that goal big enough for you? 
• Is that dream compelling enough for you?
• Will that plan stretch you?
• Are we thinking broadly enough?
• Have we explored all the career options?
• What about…?
• What if…?

Believing in people’s greatness before they do supports their ego, which then strengthens the trust they have in the relationship. Bottom line: we tend to like people who believe in us.

A little nudge goes a long way!

© 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.