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0 Skip the Resolutions. Create a Polar Bear Plunge

January has the potential to dishearten even the most optimistic. Holiday decorations come done. Rejected Christmas trees skirt the curbs. The days are short. And on top of all that, we’re supposed to declare some grandiose resolution to fix whatever is wrong with us… But declarations don’t create sustainable change! Only actionable learning does. Traditionally, we learn by reading books, listening to speakers, observing leaders…but research proves that we implement:

only 5% of what we read, hear, and see
but a stunning 90% of what we experience

So the secret to igniting our spirits in January and our learning throughout the year is immersion.

We need to plunge into experiences, experiments, activities, and adventures.

What we need is a Polar Bear Plunge!

People have been jumping into icy cold water in the winter since 1904 in what is now known as a “Polar Bear Plunge.”

Why?! Typically to raise money for charitable organizations, and personally, for the adrenaline, the challenge, and the experience.

So instead of focusing on resolutions to fix what doesn’t work, let’s create our own Polar Bear Plunge.

What new experiences, experiments, activities, or adventures can we create this year for ourselves and our people? Examples…

Join Toastmasters
Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity
Sign up for lessons (instrument, language, dance, motorcycle)
Lead an event, a team, or a project
Serve as a Mentor
Try a new exercise class
Register for a race
Teach a workshop
Travel
Informationally interview leaders
Write an article
Say yes! to a challenge

For learning that transforms, it’s time to take the plunge! Experiences are the new resolutions.

0 I Want to Lead Like Dallas Cowboys Tony Romo

I want to lead like Tony Romo, the Dallas Cowboys quarterback since 2006.

In August when Tony suffered a broken back that sidelined him for three months, rookie Dak Prescott was promoted to starting quarterback, but merely as a placeholder until Tony returned.

And suddenly the rookie became a sensation! To date, Dak has led the Cowboys in a phenomenal 10-1 winning streak.

But then people started to wonder… what happens when Tony heals? Will he rightfully reclaim his title as starting quarterback?

Recovered and ready to play, Tony ended the controversy recently in a heartfelt speech:

“Football is a meritocracy. You aren’t handed anything. You earn everything, every single day, over and over again. Dak has earned the right to be our quarterback.”

Imagine watching a younger co-worker soar past us, up the proverbial ladder as we hobble, falter, or idle, unable to contribute as we have in the past. The feelings of futility and inadequacy would thrash even the most confident among us. It requires an unwavering passion for the purpose of the organization to eclipse the prestige of leading the team to victory. So what does Tony do now with all of his passion and none of the prestige? Mentor Dak.

“I was Dak once. I remember the people who helped me when I was young. I’m going to be that person for Dak. Ultimately, it’s about the team.”

And that’s when Tony set a new bar as a leader in the NFL. If you’re truly committed to the success of the team, you lead with heart and soul regardless of who gets the glory.

Do You Listen with Thunder or Lightning?

“That’s crazy! Why are you doing that!?” my friend challenged. Lightning!

“Wow! That’s amazing. What was that like?” my other friend appreciated. Thunder!

Thunder claps. Lightning strikes.

When we listen with thunder we clap with acknowledgement, recognition, interest, and support.
When we listen with lightning we strike from defensiveness or judgment.

Why? When we listen with lightning, we take the focus off of the other person and we make it about us. We start to wonder… What does that person’s comment mean about me? If that person is growing, does that mean I’m shrinking? If that person has great news, does mine pale in comparison? If that person makes a bold decision or holds a strong opinion, does that question my decision or opinion?

But when we listen with thunder, we engage with a steadfast focus on the other person. We are cognizant that acknowledging their success, their growth, their decision, and their opinion bears no reflection on our own.

And that takes awareness, intentionality, and courage.

If we are committed to serving the success of others, we need to listen with more thunder and less lightning.

I Have a Leader Crush on Arkadi Kuhlmann

I admit it. I have a leader crush on Arkadi Kuhlmann, the founder and former CEO of ING Direct.

Why? Because he leads with conviction.

He believes passionately that the banking industry needs to be reinvented.
So he recruited from outside the industry to infuse the team with fresh ideas and to combat those of grizzled veterans.
He then painted a white line outside the building’s entrance to remind employees that once they cross it, they are leaving the sleepy world to enter a different kind of place.
He also posted a sign above the exit for employees to read as they left work that asked: “Did today really matter?”
And to create accountability, every year he asked employees to vote whether he should serve as CEO for another year.

How can we similarly use our own passion to ignite enthusiasm and engagement?

Start with a conviction (What belief grounds your commitment to lead?)
Share that conviction until people own it
Pepper physical reminders of that conviction around them
Model that conviction in our behaviors and actions
Ask people to hold us accountable to that conviction

It takes courage to be a manager. It takes heroism to manage with conviction!

Why Cousin Lynn Crosses a Finish Line Every Month

In January, my Cousin Lynn created a goal to compete in a race every month for the entire year.

When resolutions were inescapable, this sounded aspirational. But as the months roll by, her resolve is noteworthy.

More than half of goal-chasers fail, quick to blame circumstances or their lack of motivation or willpower. But goal-catchers are successful because of their commitment, not because of their circumstances, motivation, or willpower.

Here’s how Cousin Lynn stays committed month after month:

1. Public Declaration. Announcing her goal to friends and family creates the social and internal pressure to stick to it. (Psychologists call this the Rule of Commitment.)

2. Construct Smaller Goals. The race-a-month format conveniently frames her smaller goals.

3. Celebrate Progress and Small Wins. Every month she sends me her crossing-the-finish-line picture, and I cheer.

4. Constantly Eliminate Barriers. When the winter offered no races, she flew to a warmer city to compete.

5. Be Intentional. Every month she researches and identifies the race for the next month.

6. Persevere. The summer was overloaded with family obligations, so she found ways to train around them. (When I was in town, she had us visiting on bicycles!)

7. Be Resilient. When August’s mud-run was cancelled, she quickly signed up for a 5K. Cousin Lynn didn’t just make a New Year’s resolution. She made a commitment (a promise to herself!) that has her consistently taking actions instead of making excuses.

Whether the goal is personal or professional, being committed differentiates the goal-chasers from the goal-catchers.

0 Why Olympian Gabby Douglas Chooses Slow-to-Speak

Gold-medal gymnast Gabby Douglas has a new motto: “slow to speak”

Having learned the hard way amid controversies in the 2012 and 2016 Olympics, she is now committed to listening before reacting.

Gabby gets it! Whether we’re leading our team, our children, or Olympic spectators, people are constantly judging us by our reactions and our responses.

Reacting is understandable – we are stressed by pressure, upset by missed expectations, or incensed by injustice. Out of anger or frustration, we easily become fast-to-speak.

But reacting reveals our surly side. Fast-to-speak betrays our commitment to be intentional, empowering, empathetic leaders. And that betrayal erodes people’s loyalty to and trust in us. Not surprisingly, people perceive reactive leaders as less effective.

Alternatively, slow-to-speak affords us the opportunity to be mindful, suspend our judgments, and increase our compassion.

Research shows that people trust their leaders more when they witness their compassion and kindness, and less when they don’t.

And when people trust their leaders, performance improves.

We could win a gold medal in the category of leading if we simply choose more often slow-to-speak.

Why Cincinnati Reds Joey Votto Apologized to a Fan

Joey Votto, Cincinnati Reds first baseman, was chasing a foul ball heading toward the stands, hoping to catch an out in the seventh inning. Also positioning himself to catch that foul ball was a Reds-jersey-wearing fan sitting in the first row named Randy. When Votto missed the ball, he grabbed Randy’s jersey and seethed, “You’re a Reds fan, don’t get in my way!”

Randy apologized. Demonstrating respect and empathy, Randy’s apology immediately disarmed Votto’s anger. And suddenly Votto apologized too. After the game, the two talked, took pictures, and Votto gave him an autographed baseball that read: “Thanks for being so understanding.”

Remorseful, Votto acknowledged to reporters after the game that he had “bullied” Randy, who deserved to be treated with more respect.

What sparked Votto’s epiphany? Randy’s apology!

Research shows that apologies have the power to instantly heal. Receiving a sincere apology decreases a person’s blood pressure, slows their heart rate, and allows them to think clearly.

Having the courage to take responsibility is extremely powerful. As Randy and Votto discovered, it:

disarms people
prevents further misunderstanding
increases empathy
strengthens relationships
fuels self-respect and self-esteem

Authentic and intentional apologies make us strong leaders and decent human beings.

Why St. Paul’s Cathedral Banned Photos

No Photos Allowed! read signs throughout St. Paul’s Cathedral in London.

Curious, I asked why. A curator explained: “The tour guides got frustrated because people were too busy taking pictures and not paying attention.”

Essentially, they were tired of competing with smartphones!

The draconian restriction worked. The church was scattered with enrapt tourists intently listening to the guides.

Named the iPhone Effect, psychologists have discovered that the mere presence of a smartphone (even if not being used) inhibits conversation.

Why? Because the smartphone divides our attention between the proximate and the possible. The person in front of us and the world of people potentially calling, texting, tweeting, and posting.

When our smartphone is on the table or in our hands, the other person knows they are competing for our attention, and this distract-ability diminishes the quality of our interaction.

The conversation remains shallow, careening instead of flowing.
Consequently, people restrict their responses.
And this decreases our empathy.

Ironically, being constantly connected is interfering with our connections.

Because leading intentionally depends on these connections, our rapt attention and empathy are essential. And so our challenge: to deliberately disconnect.

Maybe we need to post our own sign occasionally: No Smartphones Allowed.