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You Don’t Need New Toys

Problems are like new toys – they need figuring out.

People bring us their problems like they’re bringing us a Rubik’s cube, a Lego set, or a new video game – insisting that we play too.

Why do they bring us their new toys?

Because they know we can figure them out. We always have solutions, ideas, or key information.

So they drop their toys on our desk, eager to let us play.

And they’re right! We can figure them out and quite often we love to. But we already have enough toys to play with.

When people bring us new toys, there are 5 things we can offer to help them move forward:

Perspective
Information
Resources
Mentoring
Encouragement

Before anyone starts sharing new toys, ask them first which of these they need from you. Then make them take their toys with them when they leave.

Our job is not to collect the most toys but to help our people learn how to play better with their own.

Are You a Sentence Stepper?

Stepping on someone’s sentence isn’t a big deal, is it? I do it all the time.

I excitedly respond to what someone’s saying… even before they finish their sentence. Or I have a perfect story or something funny to share, but if I wait until they’re done talking, I might forget.

Clearly it’s just my enthusiasm and passion (sometimes my impatience and irritation); so what’s the problem with a little sentence-stepping?

It contaminates trust.

When we intentionally listen to someone, they trust us a little more.
When we sentence-step, they trust us a little less.

As leaders, trust is everything – people only follow leaders they trust. So trust must be our constant commitment, not a checkbox on a to-do list.

The trust people have in us is strengthened or splintered in each interaction. Sentence-stepping doesn’t strengthen trust; it splinters it. Instead of demonstrating our passion and enthusiasm, it actually demonstrates our selfishness and disrespect.

When every conversation either contributes to or contaminates trust, we need to step on our tongue instead of their sentence.

0 The Secret to Motivating Yourself

Motivation stems from within. No one else can motivate us. So what’s the secret to motivating ourselves?

Always have a ticket in hand.

My mom has been advocating this approach my whole life. When one adventure ends, she’d say, have a “ticket” in your hand for the next one – a ticket to a show, a vacation, a party, the theater, even a visit with a friend.

To motivate ourselves, we need something to look forward to.

That same advice applies to work. Feeling blah on Monday morning? Bored with that project? Plodding along from one meeting to the next?

Get a “ticket” in your hand by looking forward to something: tackling a new project, working with a Mentor, contributing to a Mentee, solving an old problem from a different angle, bonding with the team, exploring a new idea, meeting a new client, helping an old client with a new solution.

Our motivation is up to us – we can activate it or we can let it atrophy. Either way, Monday morning will show up again.

p.s. Thanks for the perspective, Mom!

0 What does kindness have to do with leading?

Without kindness work sucks – for us and for the people who work with us.

As leaders, our success lies in our ability to keep good people involved, committed, contributing, growing themselves, and developing others.

But good people don’t trust unkind leaders – no one likes following a jerk.

The good news is that being kind is the one thing we have 100% control of every day in every moment. We cannot control customers, co-workers, personalities, the markets, the weather, the traffic, or other jerks.

We can only control how we treat each other – our responses, our character, and our commitment to serve others’ success. We can be kind without exception for stress, pressure, job titles, job levels, or our own momentary lack of self-confidence.

Next time we lose patience, yell, belittle, or disparage another, let’s let a breath in and ask ourselves, am I being kind or am I being kind of a jerk?

And then own the responsibility we have at every moment and with everyone to be human first.

0 Metrics or Mindfulness

Leading from the middle is challenged by a metrics vs. mindfulness conundrum.

The people above us measure our success on our metrics.
The people below us measure our success on our mindfulness.

Can we do both? Can we actually manage and lead at the same time? Can we meet the expectations of the organization while also being committed to the needs and aspirations of the people who follow us?

We have to.

If we only focus on our metrics, we risk losing our people.
If we only focus on our mindfulness, we risk losing our job.

The secret? Connect metrics and mindfulness.

Connect people to the metrics – our people should operate knowing the impact of their efforts and results, and be, not just involved, but invested in those metrics

Connect metrics to people – our metrics should reflect the impact of our efforts to guide, advise, listen, develop, and mentor our people to be successful (ex: we should measure their retention, their growth, their contributions, their involvement, and their mindfulness in leading others)

Master this and you’ll master your role as a middle leader.

Running Backs and Defensive Linebackers

Just like on the football field, the workforce is fraught with Running Backs and Defensive Linebackers.

Running Backs catch new ideas and help us run them to the end zone, navigating obstacles in their path.

Defensive Linebackers block us from easily reaching the goal with their naysaying (lots of no-can-do talk) and no-doing (lots of can-do talk, no action).

Buy why? Why block good ideas? Fear, concern, or confusion.

Why didn’t I think of that idea? Does this mean that I’m not needed anymore?
Will I get in trouble if this goes through and fails?
I don’t get it and I’ve got enough I’m already trying to figure out

The secret to working with Defensive Linebackers: purposeful perception. We need to respond not react, discern the real issue, and consider the view from their sidewalk.

Ask yourself:

What’s really going on – what’s their fear, concern, or confusion?
How can we address it?
How can we help them win when we win?

And while it’s easy to judge others, we must be honest when new ideas come to us: are we being the Running Back or the Defensive Linebacker?

Lead with Woo-Hoos not Tsk-Tsks!

Our people crave woo-hoos, high-fives, fist bumps, and applause.

Instead we question them in meetings, overrule them in emails, and judge them in performance reviews.

Which is all rather unnecessary because they already question their self-worth and judge their performance on a daily basis. Is flaming their self-doubt really the best use of our role as their leader?

What they really need from us is a spotlight on their wins, a highlighter for their progress, and limelight for their successes. Our people need us to celebrate them!

What does celebration look like?

a shout-out: “You’re a rock star! “Great idea!” “Congratulations!”
a compliment: “Your report was solid.”
a progress marker: “I’m so impressed with how you are managing this project.”
an effort acknowledgement: “I love that you took a chance to improve it.”
a good news advancement: “The client loves it. Great work!”

And the reality is that it’s a lot more fun to lead people in celebration than it is to lead them in condemnation.

ps. Thursday January 21 is “Thank Your Mentor Day” – a perfect time to start celebrating others!

It’s Not a Team; It’s a Band

Teams win and lose together.

While it’s valiant to declare your collection of people a “team,” they aren’t. In the end, they win and lose their performance reviews, their paychecks, and their jobs as individuals.

You don’t have a team. You have a band.

Every successful band keeps the tempo, achieves harmony, and creates melodious tunes together. And at the same time, each band member can create beautiful music as a solo.

Whether it’s a rock band, an orchestra band, a jazz band, or a high school band, band members make music together, and they solo.

What’s your number one job as the band leader? Make sure their solo performance enhances the melody of the band.

Let’s stop treating these collections of people like an NFL team. And start treating them like a Grammy award-winning band.

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