According to psychologist Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology (the study of happiness and emotional health), there are 3 types of happy lives:
- Pleasant life
- Engaged life
- Meaningful life
Pleasant life: we gain happiness from pleasures, such as money, cars, toys, hobbies, adventures, and vacations
Engaged life: we gain happiness by creating social connections and fostering strong relationships
Meaningful life: we gain happiness by using our strengths and gifts to help others
Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, the easiest one – pursuing a pleasant life – has little bearing on our overall happiness and satisfaction…. that is, without engagement and meaning.
Seligman found that the pursuit of pleasures only mattered when it was complemented by engagement and meaning.
Matthieu Ricard, a Tibetan Buddhist monk explains, “Thinking about yourself all the time and how to make things better for yourself is exhausting, stressful, and a quick route to unhappiness.”
O.K. Conceptually, it’s ideal to pursue a meaningful life, but how does all of this apply in the reality of our days?
Through moments.
An engaged and meaningful life must first start with engaged and meaningful moments.
Lucky for us, opportunities to engage with others and create meaning (while pursuing pleasures) are plentiful!
Example:
- Boss Pleasant: “I need the team to sell more so I can get my bonus.”
- Boss Engaged: “Employee, how are the kids and what are your career goals this year?”
- Boss Meaningful: “May I offer you some mentoring that might help you reach your goals?”
Example:
- Passenger Pleasant: “I love my first-class upgrade!”
- Passenger Engaged: “Hello, seat mate. Where are you headed today?”
- Passenger Meaningful: “Can I help you put that bag in the overhead?”
The secret ingredient: benevolence. When we approach situations with compassion, generosity, kindness, friendship, and humanity, it’s impossible not to boost our own happiness and satisfaction …even while enjoying the pleasures of life.
