All Posts by Ann Tardy

I’ve been hooked on Katie Couric podcasts lately.

What I love most about Katie is her rabid curiosity. She is masterful at shining the spotlight on others. And when someone shares an experience similar to hers, she never steals the spotlight with, “That happened to me too. Let me tell you my experience…”

When someone tells us their story and we jump in with our own story, we are guilty of spotlight stealing.

We don’t do it maliciously, and (typically) we don’t intend to be rude. We actually share our just-like-me stories because humans connect based on similarities. We pivot to our story – which is just like theirs – because we want to bond.

But in doing so, we inadvertently steal the spotlight. We grab the microphone. We push them off the stage.

To truly develop a connection with someone, we need to keep the spotlight on them until the bulb flickers and fades.

How?

• Be genuinely interested and curious
• Use 1-inch and yardstick questions
• Ask follow-up questions
• Eliminate or mitigate distractions (Katie Couric never Snapchats through an interview!)
• Listen like you’re on assignment

It takes a conscious effort not to steal the spotlight, but the boon to the relationship is worth it:

• They feel listened to and important
• Their trust increases
• We connect and bond

And because of that increased trust, they more readily disclose information to us. We gain access to their beliefs, knowledge, and attitudes, thus further strengthening our bond and our ability to make a difference.

Don’t worry. We’ll get our turn on the stage. But remember, our power to connect and influence lies in letting someone else have the spotlight. Just watch Katie Couric in action!

Uber’s culture is a mess. Complaints of sexual harassment, discrimination, and bullying, multiple resignations, and threatened lawsuits.

Seems Uber’s CEO could have used a bit of mentoring from Levi Strauss’ CEO, Chris Bergh….

Bergh recently shared his approach to culture in The New York Times column “Corner Office.” As soon as he arrived at Levi’s, he methodically interviewed 60 people, asking each the following questions:

1. What are 3 things you think we have to change?
2. What are 3 things we have to keep?
3. What do you most want me to do?
4. What are you most afraid I might do?

Bergh gets it. To understand and then influence a culture, we have to connect with and involve the people who are actually creating the culture.

Bergh’s ask-the-people approach is bursting with culture-cultivating benefits:

• We gain substantial insights from people in the trenches and on the front lines.
• We communicate the importance of people’s perspectives and ideas.
• We help people feel heard and valued for their contributions.
• We demonstrate the power of collaboration to create a culture together.

Typically companies engage in this exercise in exit interviews, but it seems ironic to care what someone has to say as they’re walking out the door.

We don’t need to wait for an exit interview and we don’t need to be the CEO to safeguard and influence the culture of a team, a department, or an organization. We just need to engage with and listen to the people in the culture.

This is our job because these are our people! And so we own the impact of our actions that drive or destroy our culture.

Are we going to Uber it or Levi it?

I grew up with maps. Big, bulky, beautiful, Rand McNally maps. And a globe. These taught me to look for details while appreciating the big picture.

Today our smartphones have map applications, offering precise turn-by-turn directions. With only a small screen, we can get to where we’re going and never care what city we’re driving through.

But to see the landscape using a map app, we need to zoom out.

When we’re constantly zoomed-in at work and in our lives, we are gripped by small screens and small issues. And our sense of curiosity atrophies in the wake.

We unwittingly neglect what’s outside the small screen or the small issue. We read information online without questioning its veracity or source, we stop noticing our surroundings, we become indifferent to the people around us.

And then we miss the meaning… unless we zoom out!

What does it mean to zoom out?

• Look up and look around
• Consider every party’s viewpoint (not just the one side you heard)
• Understand how a project/task fits into the big picture (unsure? ask!)
• Question what’s next (think one step ahead of your boss)
• Have an opinion (eliminate “I don’t know” from your vernacular)
• Endeavor to improve processes and procedures
• Analyze, think, be curious

Our obsession with screens (literal and figurative) creates our myopia. Being incessantly zoomed-in shortchanges our ability to make a difference, because we lack foresight, discernment, and meaning.

We need to Zoom Out!

As a reminder, I purchased an oversized book of maps for my car. I’ll use my app to help me get there, but I’ll use Rand McNally to urge me to Zoom Out! and pay attention to where I’m going.

“We don’t see things the way they are. We see things the way we are.” Attributed to author Anais Nin and the Jewish Talmud.

In essence, two people, based on their different perspectives, can have two different points of view on the same topic. Just watch any news item reported on MSNBC and then on Fox.

Let’s evolve this powerful truism to: “We don’t see people the way they are. We see people the way we are.”

Most of our people problems stem from divergent perceptions, which are formed by our:

• beliefs, prejudices, biases
• experiences
• gender, ethnicity, generation
• geography

We then engage with people based on these perceptions – our foggy, smudged, cracked lenses.

My best friend, Lynnae, tried teaching me this throughout high school. As we walked down the halls and passed much cooler classmates, I would decry, “She is such a jerk.” And Lynnae would respond genuinely, “Well, she’s nice to me.”

My lenses were blurred by my own teenage insecurities, which created for me a perception that these girls were stuck up and conceited. But Lynnae didn’t have those same insecurities muddying her lenses, so her experience of our classmates was different than mine.

If only I had cleaned my glasses, I might have graduated with as many friends as Lynnae did!

When we let our lenses get clouded, blurred, or broken, we risk relationships with people.

We see people as we are – through the lens of our own biases, beliefs, and past experiences. And then we act as if we are seeing clearly.

The result? Disconnect. Disrespect. Judgment.

If we have any chance of leading people, we have to remember that everyone shows up with their own pair of glasses. We can’t clean their lenses, but we can clean (and replace!) our own.

When I set off on my first cross-country bike ride, I was on a mission to find people who love their job. Convinced they must be remarkable people, I wanted to track down these unicorns and interview them for a documentary I was producing.

But in my quest, I discovered that people aren’t remarkable because they love their job. They love their job because they are remarkable!

Being remarkable is the gateway – the secret – to love our work, whatever work we do.

So what does it mean to be remarkable?

• Showing up with a purpose (a battle cry!)
• Embracing the uncomfortable
• Contributing to the success of others
• Practicing resilience instead of resistance
• Being courageous
• Standing up when no one else does
• Clapping and cheering for ourselves and others
• Making a difference – in conversations, in moments, and with others

In a recent commencement speech, Bill Gates said, “Believing that the world’s serious problems can be solved is the core of my worldview. It sustains me in tough times and is the reason I love my work.”

When we are remarkable, the job is merely a conduit, allowing us to make a difference. Arguably, the job is not as important as who we are in that job.

When we focus on “is this the biggest difference I can make here?“ suddenly the onslaught of policies, procedures, protocols, and processes becomes irrelevant.

People aren’t remarkable because they love their job. They are remarkable because they are committed to making a difference with their work. And ultimately, that fuels their joblove.

I went to the Kentucky Derby with a colorful hat but no clue about horse racing.

I quickly discovered that betting on horses is like picking people for your team – knowing their backstory is essential to creating their front story.

On advice from a friend, I placed a $2 bet on every race just to be part of the excitement.

But how does a novice pick a race horse? Admittedly, I was initially seduced by their names: Irish War Cry, Patch, Classic Empire, Thunder Snow.

And then I was introduced to The Daily Racing Form, a publication of facts and statistics on past performances for race horses – this gave me the backstory for every horse in every race at the Derby:

• number of races won
• performance in distance races
• results on turf vs. dirt, wet vs. dry tracks
• trainer and jockey statistics

I also watched the horses parade from the paddock to the starting gate before the race. I noticed if they were skittish and panicked from the roar of the crowds, or and if they seemed edgy and eager to run.

I studied their backstory to determine how they would perform in the race – their front story.

And that’s exactly how horse trainer Todd Pletcher and horse jockey John Velazquez won the Kentucky Derby with the horse Always Dreaming. They knew the colt’s backstory, allowing them to adjust his exercises before the race and his pace during the race.

Similarly, people come to us with their own backstory. Unfortunately, we don’t have a Daily Racing Form to guide us.

So we need to ask more questions about their past experiences and pay attention to their current actions and behaviors in order to help people create their own front story.