[Flash] My Mentee Is Just Not That Into Me

“My Mentee is just not that into me,” said the Mentor.

I don’t typically hear this. More often, Mentees gripe about a Mentor who has gone missing in action.

Stereotypically, Mentees are hungry to connect and eager to learn, while Mentors are the wildcards – super busy, difficult to access, begrudgingly engaged.

But this Mentor was challenging these stereotypes with her confession.

Apparently, it was not for lack of trying. She routinely reached out to her Mentee, scheduled meetings with him weekly, connected him to others, and offered advice and ideas on his goals. But he regularly canceled their sessions and eventually stopped responding.

She was confident she had done something wrong…

Mentors! Here’s the rule for engaging with Mentees: You cannot be more excited about a Mentee’s growth and development than they are!

Why? Because it is their journey, not yours.

Your job is to:

Set clear expectations for how to work with you, and
Demonstrate your commitment to making a difference by listening, advising, guiding, cheering, and advocating.

You are not there to drive, push, force, compel, or shove your Mentee forward on that journey.

Mentees must own their journey.

If they don’t, they will not be responsible for their success. And they may even blame you when their journey disappoints.

This same rule applies to Managers. You cannot be more excited about your employee’s growth than they are.

Why do some people repel such generous offers of time, energy, and wisdom? It could be anything: confusion, apathy, resentment, distrust, anger, fear.

In other words… It’s not you. It’s them.

Meanwhile, there are plenty of Mentees who are eager to grow and hungry to learn from you.

All we can do is be a stand for and a contribution to people’s success. They will meet us there when they’re ready.